The Week’s Most Scornful, Thornful, and Mournful Headlines FAREWELL TO AN OLD CHUCK O’ COAL Leave it to Norm Macdonald to unite even the most bitter ideological foes with his ...

The Week’s Most Kinetic, Phyletic, and Peripatetic Headlines L.A.’S DIVERSITY POTHOLE FILLERS Only in Los Angeles would it come as a shock to journalists that a guy named ...

The Week’s Most Strobic, Microbic, and Xenophobic Headlines RUSSIA DAMS THE BLACK SEA “In Russia, sushi eats you!” If a foreigner who knows nothing about the United ...

The Week’s Most Mauling, Enthralling, and Governor-Recalling Headlines OUR CAREER’S IN JEOPARDY, BABY! “It’s a thing that leftists swear doesn’t exist, and if you ...

The Week’s Most Canny, Branny, and Talibany Headlines DJINN LIZZY Guess who just got back today? Them wild-eyed boys that’d been away Haven’t changed, had much to say But ...

The Week’s Most Neurotic, Quixotic, and Antipsychotic Headlines GOO’BYE GOOMBAH Watching Andrew Cuomo go down (and not in the way he enjoys) is kinda like watching the fall ...

The Week’s Most Mithraic, Archaic, and Pharisaic Headlines STONE, COLD KILLER There’s no house party like a Como house party. Como is a historically black neighborhood in ...

The Week’s Most Salian, Antithalian, and Bacchanalian Headlines THE TOKYO CANCELYMPICS Please welcome the comedy team of Abbott and Kosato: Kosato: “These are not Orympics. ...

The Week’s Most Peddling, Treadling, and Gold-Medaling Headlines ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAAAAAAAAAAN! It was the most blessedly brief “mismatched roommates” sitcom in history: ...

The Week’s Most Higgling, Niggling, and Wiggling Headlines PLEASE ROCK HAMMER DON’T HURT ’EM I must admit, I didn’t think much of Andy Dufresne the first time I laid eyes ...

The Week’s Most Flailing, Bewailing, and Smooth-Sailing Headlines WACKY IRAQI HAS A FEW SCREWS LOOSE(IFER) It’s hard to believe that London was once a city in which the ...

The Week’s Most Erratic, Phlegmatic, and Morganatic Headlines BEVERLY HILLS FLOP It was the brazen daytime robbery that froze Beverly Hills in its tracks. Last March, a trio of ...

The Week’s Most Flummering, Mummering, and Summering Headlines DARK SIDE OF THE GOON The leftist war on sunlight continues! Last year, lefties in politics, the media, and ...

The Week’s Most Preening, Queening, and Juneteening Headlines INSERT BLACK PERSON HERE An odd theme running through last week’s news involved retroactively inserting black ...

The Week’s Most Pedantic, Bacchantic, and Sycophantic Headlines ZULU DAWN OF THE DEAD Two months ago The Week That Perished featured the madcap tale of Lindani Myeni, a Zulu ...

The Week’s Most Soniferous, Maliferous, and Pestiferous Headlines FATHER BIDEN CELEBRATES MASS(ACRE) Only suckas, rubes, and racists observed Memorial Day last weekend. Thanks ...