June 05, 2012

Luka Magnotta

Luka Magnotta

Speaking of famous homicidal homos, I predict that an enterprising gay porn producer will shortly release a Luka Magnotta rip-off quickie flick called Manhunt.

(Think I’m too twisted? Check out these gay-made porno epics that were “€œinspired”€ by gay serial killer Andrew Cunanan.)

Unfortunately, Canadian media’s wall-to-wall Magnotta coverage has featured plenty of “criminal profilers” whose insights into “the mind of a serial killer” always sound about as original and profound as a pageant contestant’s prescription for world peace. (I’m normally bored by Malcolm Gladwell, but his debunking of “criminal profiling” as glorified table magic was damn convincing.)

So we’ve been gravely informed that Magnotta is a “narcissist” (gay) who “can’t develop healthy relationships” (gay) and “lives in a fantasy world” (gay). I was a resident of Toronto’s Boystown for a dozen years and own a boxed set of Cracker. Where’s my Ph.D.?

If these “experts” can air their theories, so can I:

Magnotta killed and ate that Chinese guy as revenge for the Chinese guy who killed and ate a white Canadian in 2008.

(The only difference is, Magnotta was hungry again an hour later.)

Speaking of “Chinese” and “food,” Ottawa’s ChiCom Embassy had the nerve to issue a travel advisory warning citizens to “€œstrengthen their personal security“€ when visiting Canada in the wake of Magnotta’s cannibal crime spree. This from the same people who chow down on Chow dogs”€”and, according to the latest reports, have a man-eating problem of their own.

So, it would seem, does the rest of the planet.

According to the New York Times Magazine, “People Eat Other People on a Pretty Regular Basis.” The article helpfully rounds up recent news stories of cannibalism out of Switzerland, Brazil, the UK, Russia, and even Indiana.

Photos of the accused”€”drifters and politicians of varying ages and hues”€”reveal that the one thing all these cannibals have in common, besides being male, is absolutely nothing.

Who knew the cannibal community was such a rainbow of diversity? You’d never expect such retrograde folks to be so progressive. They really do have something to teach us. Maybe they’re just…misunderstood.

Can “Zombie-Human Alliances” at your kid’s school be far behind?



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