Rent-A-Jew! The Weird World of Minorities for Hire

As my basement human-sacrifice room has been looking a little dingy of late and putting off the rest of the coven, I was recently in need of the services of some professional painters and decorators to cover up and dispel all the bloodstains, evaporated adipose, severe smoke damage, and associated effluvia with their magic brushes. Researching some local experts online, I was shocked to discover the exorbitant nature of their hourly rates. “I bet I could hire a prostitute for less money than that!” I thought. Which got me to thinking... Accessing the website of my nearest escort agency, ...

W.H. Davies

Feeling Listless

Some years ago, I asked the owner of the Poetry Bookshop in Hay-on-Wye, the only specialist secondhand poetry store in Britain, whether he had any books by poets with one leg. He ...

Royal Opera House, London

A Night at the Opera

As the curtain went up on La Bohème, I guessed the point they were making almost immediately, and maybe I even agreed with some of the sentiment at the heart of it. The lead ...

Ungenuine Articles

One of the funnier aspects of the articles denouncing my recently restored freedom to speak in public, such as The Atlantic’s and now The Guardian’s, is that they can’t ...

Fraumunster Church, Zurich

Spewing Bullets at Jesus

"I didn’t realize repeatedly shooting Jesus in the face could be considered religiously offensive," Says Swiss Muslim Politician. How’s that for clickbait? Well, as this ...

Making Xer Case

My pronouns are She-rah, Herbal, and Hersheys. I don’t think it’s asking too much to refer to me using those simple terms, which I’ve made up, as I’m legally entitled to ...

The Hair of the Wog

Back when I was a child, in a 99.99 percent white school in England, we used to call our Anglo-Saxon peers unfortunate enough to possess excessively curly or frizzy hair ...

Trivial TV

Twenty-seven years ago, a British newspaper discovered—I don’t know how—that I hadn’t watched television for twenty-five years. At the time, this seemed almost incredible, ...

The Eye in the Sky

From time to time I receive, unsolicited, messages from insurance companies about “how to keep myself safe,” to use an odious modern locution. Mostly they are about the ...

The Prince and Princess of Wales

Start Your Cancer Journey Today

Kate Middleton’s latest video presentation, in which she runs through meadows while telling us how wonderful her cancer journey has been, is just about the most disturbing thing ...

A Princely Summation

We may never get to see the nine-hour documentary about Prince that Netflix has paid tens of millions for because the late musician’s estate has legally stymied its release. So, ...

Humane Holocaust? Tucker’s All In!

I know Tucker Carlson reads me and I know he’s aware of my Holocaust work. Last week Tuck interviewed someone I knew nothing about, a rabbit-looking dweeb named Darryl Cooper. ...

Dr. Queerlove: Or, How America Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bum

Can Americans today really sleep safely in their own beds at night? Not with so many militant homosexuals wandering around. In late August, the media revealed that a highly ...

The Wonder App

We have had an outbreak of golden orioles at my house in France. There are, of course, far worse outbreaks to have, but it is a little frustrating that these beautiful birds (the ...


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