September 09, 2016

Source: Bigstock

Currently we”€™re offering degrees in Relationship Mastery, Booty Reduction, Bereavement Coaching, Urban Adolescent Drama Therapy, Pregnancy Addiction, Ballroom Dancing for Juveniles with Asperger’s, African Conjunctivitis Cruises, and Special Effects Makeup Therapy for women whose faces have been slashed by men violating restraining orders, with help via video from the cast of General Hospital.

If you don”€™t have time for a full-degree program, we also offer continuing education classes throughout the year, including:

“€œLeft Luggage,”€ for men dealing with the constant stress of district attorneys seeking delinquent child-support payments.

“€œIntegrative Biofeedback Nutrition,”€ which teaches bulimic teenage girls to disguise soy-based power bars as Krispy Kreme donuts.

“€œAddiction Yoga,”€ an infinity life redesign process for methamphetamine users who need to find the divine within themselves while undergoing oral surgery.

“€œShut It Up and Write It Down,”€ a series of scrapbooking weekends during which a Certified Journal Therapist teaches self-obsessed women to create 90,000-word memoirs that are later published by MeCloud Books.

“€œGratitude Attitude,”€ a Skype-enabled morning course taught by the former sales manager at Rancho Coronado Spa, who shows suburban housewives how to combine makeover therapy with donations to various local charities that won”€™t ever call or text you.

These are only a few of the more than 200 life-tutoring events that empower our clients to stand in their own truth. We think of ourselves as Sherpas to the authentic self, leading you to the Vedic temple where the divine You dwells. Whatever you need to get there, MeCloud can provide the express train. I”€™ve seen miracles here. I”€™ve seen suicide ideation issues addressed through feng shui. I”€™ve seen diabetic self-empowerment. I”€™ve seen naturopathic nutrition regimens that have transformed megachurches in the Midwest. I”€™ve seen an entire food service team at Pizza Hut become bonded through heart-centered psychology.

Let us be your gluten-free counselor, your “€œLife After 45″€ fitness enabler, the Garment Goddess for your new wardrobe. Let us be the tutor for your child’s mitzvah journey. Let us show you how to be the conscious creator of your own reality. Let us train you for new undreamed-of professions, like selling art glass to high-net-worth individuals in Sedona, Arizona. Let us show you how to stop the self-bullying.

And when we reach the final frontier together, and you have your MeCloud degree in Slow Food Conference Management or Mystic Shiatsu, I will be proud to stand on the stage with you and program the last chapter in your spiritual development. I want to be there with you at the moment we gather”€”your mentor, myself, and you”€”as each of us presses a single button on the computer. I press CTRL. Your mentor presses ALT. But it’s you, and only you, who can press DELETE.

And at that moment the MeCloud whirls into the stratosphere and disappears into space, and everything you”€™ve ever known or thought vanishes. (This procedure is $4,999 for a full wipe.)

Free at last! Free at last! Thank my personal Spirit Goddess I”€™m free at last!

I”€™m Jocelyn, and I”€™m passionate about cloud storage!


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