August 22, 2014

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6. DON”€™T TALK TO THE ENEMY

I learned this lesson as a young man when I was drinking in a bar with my dad. Some lunatic approached us and started talking about the CIA. I humored him with some sarcasm and then he wouldn”€™t leave us alone. My dad leaned over to me and quietly said, “€œDon”€™t engage.”€

I understand the compulsion to address them. When they can”€™t get a response, they move on to your boss, so you think it would make sense to nip it in the bud. Anthony Cumia took on every single criticism after his controversy but he still got fired. These people don”€™t want to debate you. That means they”€™d have to present an argument with a degree of rigor. What they want is for you to fit the bad guy narrative so they can play cops and robbers. To play with them is to justify their existence.

7. STAY AWAY FROM YOUR PHONE WHILE DRUNK

I once woke up and read a Tweet that said, “€œI”€™m glad “€˜Snakes on a Plane”€™ didn”€™t go with their working title “€˜Niggers are Scared of Snakes.”€™”€ The comment was shocking but I was even more shocked to discover I had written it. Booze and phones don”€™t mix. You will text your friends boring articles vindicating your position. You will post and Tweet and Instagram and Facebook ridiculous rants about justice and bigotry. Getting drunk is a very healthy way to deal with all this. Just stay away from machines while you do it.

8. DON”€™T GET ALL LENNY BRUCEY ABOUT IT

It’s ironic that stand-up comedians have become such politically correct pussies, because their entire profession was created by the least politically correct person in history. Lenny Bruce said exactly what was on his mind back when nobody dared. Unfortunately, the mob eventually got to him and he got so tangled up in the details of his persecution, it killed him. Few things are sadder than seeing Bruce on stage toward the end, holding a 100-page legal document and boring everyone with details like, “€œThe cats who wrote statute 34-D claimed “€˜with intended purposes”€™ but the cats who carry out the law are blah blah blah blah.”€

Nobody wants to hear about your case. I know I”€™m right. The psychiatrist-in-chief for Johns Hopkins University agrees with me: “€œTransgenderism is a “€˜mental disorder.”€™”€ Children should not be subjected to this. I don”€™t hate homosexuals. I love them. In fact, I love them enough to want them to be healthy, happy homos who don”€™t kill themselves. Maybe there are a handful of trannies who should have had the operation. What do I know? I”€™m not the boss of the world. I don”€™t make the laws. I”€™m just a guy with an opinion. I can bore people to death with all this and scream “€œHow did we get here?”€ but it’s a rut.

9. DON”€™T REGRET ANYTHING

In the movie Whatever Works, Larry David’s character says the trouble with goyim is our obsession with “€œcoulda, woulda, shoulda.”€ There’s something about us white guys that makes us play shit over again and again in our minds until the clock on the bedside table goes, “€œDude, it’s going to be morning soon.”€

You don”€™t have a time machine so don”€™t waste any more precious moments going over what you would have done differently. Whatever got you here was probably not a freak accident and it’s likely going to happen again so get used to it.

10. DON”€™T STOP FIGHTING

If what you said or did caused such an uproar, it was obviously something relevant. If you wrote an essay called “€œJews are Lizard People”€ nobody would give a shit. Wherever there’s a bonfire of moral outrage, there are some powerful words people are trying to burn. My article criticized a culture that is just dumb fashion to most but seriously damages lives. That struck a chord because it’s true.

If you”€™re lucky enough to be able to say whatever you want, there are millions less fortunate than you who don”€™t just appreciate your honesty but need it to survive. As General “€œVinegar Joe”€ Stilwell liked to say during WWII, “€œDon”€™t let the bastards grind you down.”€ He didn”€™t just not let the bastards grind him down. He beat them.


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