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But whenever this particular pope says something bizarre, I”€™ve taken to replying, “€œThe Catholic Church isn”€™t my problem anymore.”€ Except that my stint in the minors taught me that popes (and I”€™ve lived through a few of them) are frequently (and comically) misquoted by hostile, illiterate journalists.

So last week, did Francis really declare that “€œ“€˜the great majority”€™ of Catholic marriages are religiously null because people don”€™t understand the concept of a lifetime commitment”€?

Since this is the Vatican we”€™re talking about, the usual tiresome confusion about translations and transcripts abounds. But while it pains me to agree with this particular pope on anything”€”and wow, is this guy confused“€”isn”€™t Francis, in this particular instance, obviously onto something?

The number of Catholic marriages that are only provisionally “€œCatholic”€ is surely quite sizable. Most Catholics don”€™t consider artificial contraception a sin, and have pretty relaxed attitudes about divorce. And I”€™m just going to, shall we say, go out on a limb and guess that a lot of them practice oral and even anal sex, too.

But I”€™m still not prepared to join Team Francis, let alone “€œcome home“€ quite yet. On the topic of corny old expressions, my situation doesn”€™t quite fit Groucho’s dictum about club membership. I”€™d actually be delighted to rejoin, but can”€™t promise to abide by its rules just now. And that’s my problem, not theirs.

I know: A pretty old-fashioned notion, right? Maybe the most Catholic thing about me.