Like everyone who wants to “€œchange the world,”€ Kids These Days really want to control it. They”€™re moral anorexics who”€™ve put the body politic on a strict starvation diet of fetishized, Maoist catchphrases and robotic right-think.

Even their heroes aren”€™t quite safe: Vulture and elsewhere obediently autopsy every new C.K. or Schumer offering, weighing each joke to see if it conforms to this week’s regulation levels of progressive social-justice propriety.

(God, I”€™m so looking forward to the Bill Cosby-fication of Louis C.K. sometime around, oh, 2021. That”€™ll show the little brats…)

Speaking of tinkering: If George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg can retroactively nice-ify these college kids”€™ childhoods”€”so that Han doesn”€™t shoot first, and the bad guys carry walkie-talkies instead of guns”€”why, millennials must be wondering, can”€™t this Seinfeld guy go back and rejig “€œThe Chinese Woman”€ to suit their delicate sensibilities?

Better yet, that rich old man should pull the series out of lucrative syndication altogether. Dude already owns enough damned carbon-belching cars, right?

Thing is, I wouldn”€™t be heartbroken if Seinfeld never aired a single rerun again, either. I”€™ve long been convinced that the mean-spirited “€œshow about nothing”€”€”of a piece with co-creator Larry David’s later Curb Your Enthusiasm“€”has been a greater wellspring of contemporary anti-Semitism than every Resistance Records release stacked on top of one another.

But when I say this in all seriousness to my Jewish friends, they just laugh at me and roll their eyes. They think I”€™m pretty funny for a shiksa.

Meanwhile, back at Margate, ride restorer Littleboys is “€œespecially proud of the Zodiak Jets, spinning rockets that are operated by passengers pulling a lever to zoom up into the air, and which he says “€˜you will very much have to hold on to.”€™”€

Uh-huh. I give that a week.



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