October 26, 2017

Source: Bigstock

Other issues that should have a “Don’t Have a Dog in This Fight” box:

(1) School board elections. Has anybody ever actually known anyone running for the school board? They could be choosing those people by playing Rock Paper Scissors and nobody would ever know the difference.

(2) Ukraine. Does it really matter to the United States whether Ukraine runs Crimea or Russia runs Crimea? Are we gonna get mad every time a dictator takes more than his share?

(3) Foreign causes in general. Unless we caused the problem (Iraq, Afghanistan), I don’t see much reason to care whether a country is authoritarian or democratic. Every time we try to influence it, we screw it up anyway. (Remember the vaunted “first free elections” in Palestine?) President Adams—the second one—said we should be a beacon of democracy, an example for the world, but basically stay out of other people’s business. There are people in the world who like having a bossman with unlimited powers. They love their kings. Everybody doesn’t have to be American.

(4) White supremacists. There were 400 of them in 1975 and there are 500 of them today. Omigod the movement is growing. Please. The only thing different today is that now 40,000 people go to the rally to shout down 50 white supremacists. We don’t need everyone wasting time posturing about who’s whiter or who’s more un-American. Ignore them. If they break the law, lock ’em up.

(5) Antifa. Guys who dress up like ninjas and expect to be taken seriously remind me of Cato in the Pink Panther movies. If they beat somebody up, put ’em in jail. Otherwise, ignore them.

But Numero Uno on my list of “None of the Above” rights is the right to not vote.

Not everybody should vote.

Who invented the idea that someone who has been in a coma for two years should still vote if he’s suddenly sentient on Election Day?

“It’s your civic duty to vote.”

It’s your civic duty to not vote if you have no idea who you’re voting for.

Here’s a simple rule: If you go into the election booth and your first reaction is “Wow, this is too much information to deal with, I think I might have heard of one of these guys, but then again maybe he has the same name as the East Side rapist,” this is a signal to exit the voting booth.

Go home. Open your Facebook account. Somebody will ask you whether NFL football players should take a knee. Tell them you don’t give a flying frijole. Feel good about yourself. You just voted None of the Above.


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