December 10, 2012

But one would have to be stark raving insane to imply that American pop culture and public education is consciously attempting to demonize all things male…to depict all adult males (especially if they”€™re white and have children) as bumbling retards…to insert a thunderous laugh track whenever a man gets kicked in the nuts…to depict wimps as creatures of the future and macho men as evolutionary missing links…and especially to infer that this is part of some deliberate attempt to soften and feminize the masses so they are more easily squashed under the iron thumb of the ultimate alpha male, Big Brother…which is why anyone who dares suggest that there is a “€œWar on Men”€ is chained to a rock and has their liver eaten out by an eagle.

But obviously I don”€™t care about appearing to be sane. So yes, my brothers, there is a war on for your balls. But just as the pug-faced he-woman Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, no one can take away your balls unless you willingly present them on a chopping block for fear of being called bad names.

To put it mildly, the emergent global matriarchy does not have your best interests in mind, my brothers. So I encourage a reawakening, a new dawn that is pro-male and scrote-positive. I command you to do battle with those traitors among our ranks”€”the male feminists, AKA the “€œeffeminists.”€ Neither be thou a pussy, nor let a pussy whip you. Quit rolling over and exposing your bellies”€”instead, let your inner dog out of its cage to roam free once more. Snarl and reveal the fangs you suspected had been whittled down to soft stumps. Show some spunk. Quit eating soy products. Wear boxer shorts and let your nuts hang again. Do not let the forces of evil compromise your precious bodily fluids ever again. Take their ceaseless insults with a grain of sperm, for they know not of which they speak. Quit pretending that you”€™re over-privileged while they feast on the last of your remaining rights. Do everything within your power to increase your sperm count and testosterone levels.

Gentlemen, the time is nigh to reclaim your balls. Don”€™t just grow a pair”€”grow a quartet.


Sign Up to Receive Our Latest Updates!