July 14, 2014
And who could argue? If gender is only a malleable, elastic, easily reshaped and redefined idea, shouldn”t the same concept apply to race? If someone can truly change their gender, why can”t they switch races, too?
DNA is an oppressively hierarchal social construct at least as harmful as the delusion that estrogen has anything to do with female behavior. That whole rotten “DNA” sham was constructed by some old white racist named James Watson. It’s about as reliable as astrology. For example, I share a birthday with Jim Nabors, Anne Frank, and George Bush, Sr., but I don”t feel anything in common with them, even though we”re all Geminis.
By the same token, here are the results of my DNA test. Even though it says I am overwhelmingly of Northern European extraction, it doesn”t mean that I enjoy lutefisk and clogging and scented candles like most Northern Europeans do. Therefore, these tests are highly unscientific.
Since race is merely an idea”a pinch of invisible magical dust held lightly between the thumb and forefinger”I can close my eyes, wiggle my nose, click my heels, and reconstruct myself as a black man of pure dark-chocolate 100% swampy sub-Saharan ancestry, and I don”t care if you like it or not. No, actually, I do care if you like it”in other words, I will MAKE you like it. And since none of you will be able to find my black parents, I will also register as an orphan, depending on whether I qualify for government assistance based on that status. I would think that being a poor black orphan would be worth”what?”at least $500 combined monthly from local agencies and President Obama’s personal stash? I can be whatever I want to be, and you can”t stop me, and that’s my right, and I”ll take it all the way to the Supreme Court, so don”t push me, or I will call you a hater and get you fired from your job.
We live in a new world where technology enables you to be anyone you can afford to be. If I can get my health insurance to cover it, I will gladly keep switching races so long as it helps me work my hustle. I will choose to be whatever race is most socially and financially advantageous for me at any given time. Even if I have to be a Filipino, I suppose I could handle it. Armenian would be really pushing it. But otherwise, I”m cool. And no Asian. Or Mexican.
On second thought, I”ll just stay white.