Sometimes you fiddle with your phone while fiddling with yourself. Anthony Weiner didn”€™t invent it, he just perfected it. This is not only gross, it’s potential jail time. I hope you”€™re entertaining an FBI agent, I really do.

The last time I went into T-Mobile, I was told the phone I wanted cost 850 bucks. So I said, “€œYou just spent five minutes describing how cool the camera is on this phone. Give me a phone with no camera and take off 200 bucks.”€

“€œThere is no phone with no camera.”€

This was the actual reply.

“€œYou don”€™t want a camera?”€

No, I don”€™t want a camera. And you know why? Because I don”€™t want anybody saying, “€œTake a picture of yourself.”€ I”€™m tired of taking pictures of myself. That would require me to excessively fiddle with my phone.

Eastman Kodak doesn”€™t make phones. Apple and Samsung shouldn”€™t make cameras.

The next time I see you standing in the middle of the street, fiddling with your phone, I”€™m gonna yell, “€œThat cop just shot that black boy while Lady Gaga was going into the corner deli with Anthony Weiner! Tweet it! Tweet it now!”€

I”€™ll do it. Don”€™t test me. Rome is burning.



Columnists

Sign Up to Receive Our Latest Updates!

SIGN UP

Daily updates with TM’s latest