January 01, 2018
Source: Wikimedia Commons
9. JUSTIN TRUDEAU
He’s boyish, he’s shallow, he wears wacky hats while hoisting rainbow flags, and he recently approved a law that, according to Trudeau, makes it “illegal to discriminate based on gender identity or expression.” In other words, if you call someone a tranny, you might get tossed in the slammer. In 2017, he also told a TV interviewer that he’s “jealous” he isn’t an immigrant, because they are the true Canadians:
Anytime I meet people who got to make the deliberate choice, whose parents chose Canada, I’m jealous. Because I think being able to choose it, rather than being Canadian by default, is an amazing statement of attachment to Canada….You chose this country. This is your country more than it is for others because we take it for granted.
If, while snorkeling in the Bahamas, Justin Trudeau were to stub his toe on an AIDS fish and die, I would have no qualms with that.
8. KATHY GRIFFIN
This is what happens when ugly women get old—their personalities catch up. Seeking attention to revive a career that I suspect had relegated her to playing Indian casinos and lesbian weddings, Griffin infamously posed for a photo session back in May that showed her attempting a “this is serious shit” face while hoisting the bloodied head of our glorious and wonderful president that she had presumably decapitated. The backlash caused her to lose her gig cohosting CNN’s New Year’s Eve festivities alongside tiny grey-haired gaybird Anderson Cooper, a job which she held since 2009. She blamed her plight on “a bunch of white guys.” As a white guy writing on New Year’s Eve, I take great pleasure in imagining that she’s in great pain right now.
7. BILL NYE
Even though I have no proof that he’s a child molester, Bill Nye looks like one. To be fair, he also looks like a scientist, what with that white smock and his geeky mien. He has spent the past few years shilling for the climate-change globalists and provided two of 2017’s most anus-clenchingly cringeworthy moments on his Netflix show Bill Nye Saves the World. In a bone-breakingly awkward hip-hop ensemble dance number called “Sex Junk,” Nye’s dancers unscientifically claim that sexual dimorphism is a myth. In an animation called “Ice Cream Sexuality,” an uptight male vanilla cone is seduced into a multi-racial sex orgy. What does that have to do with science? I don’t know—ask the guy in the smock who looks like a child molester.
6. SCOTT WIENER
Scott Wiener is a California state senator who looks gayer than Liberace’s balls resting on Judy Garland’s head. I don’t know whether or not he’s HIV-positive or is merely on his way to one day becoming a bugman, but he recently sponsored a bill that downgraded the sick, murderous act of intentionally infecting someone with HIV from a felony to a misdemeanor. Apparently it’s “homophobic” to fear contracting a fatal illness, which kind of suggests that homosexuality is a fatal illness, so they may want to rethink that one.
5. JUNE CHU
June Chu? God bless you! Would you like a tissue?
Chu is the stuck-up dean at Pierson College with a slanted vagina who earlier in the year was placed on temporary leave after it was revealed she’d left several Yelp reviews where she sniffed disapprovingly at the “white trash” townies:
To put it quite simply: if you are white trash, this is the perfect night out for you…perfect for those low class folks who believe this is a real night out. (review of a Japanese restaurant)
I guess if you were a white person who has no clue what mochi is, this would be fine for you. (review of The Mochi Store)
As payment for her sins, I believe she should be forced to play the role of Mr. Yuinoshi in a local production of Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
4. SALLY BOYNTON BROWN
I believe that if there’s really a Civil War brewing in America, it will be not a race war, but rather one between Goodwhites and Badwhites—the former being urban and progressive, the latter being rural and traditional. There is not a single possible scenario in which a Goodwhite would favor a Badwhite over a nonwhite.
My Goodwhite of the Year award goes to Sally Boyntown Brown, who is not Brown although I am almost certain that she wishes she was. Instead, she is a white Idaho Democrat who tried and failed in 2017 to become the DNC’s Chairman after promising to “shut other white people down”:
My job is to listen and be a voice and shut other white people down when they want to interrupt. My job is to shut other white people down when they want to say, ‘Oh, no, I’m not prejudiced.’…White leaders in our party have failed. We have to accept that there is prejudice that exists within our own party….I’m a white woman, I don’t get it. My job is to make sure that [other whites] get that they have privilege….We have to, at the DNC, provide training. We have to teach them how to communicate, how to be sensitive, and how to shut their mouths if they are white.
In response, the DNC shut Brown down and selected some beaner-looking dude instead.
3. SHIRLEY HARROTT
If you actually believe in things such as facts and biology and chromosomes, Shirley Harrott is the only true man in a four-person Arizona family where all four members claim to be transgender. Given that trannies are such a slim slice of the population, I recently estimated that the odds of all four family members being switch-hitters is one in 771 million. Shirley’s “husband” is a man, and his two kids are a boy who claims he’s a girl and a girl who claims she’s a boy. It is my opinion that by fanning this delusion, Shirley is prepping his kids for a lifetime of confusion and depression. I think Shirley should be a man about all this, take the family by the horns, and for the love of God, stop calling himself Shirley.
2. MAJA SMREKAR
An aggressively homely Slovenian conceptual artist, Smrekar recently won a top prize at the Prix Ars Electronica after she breastfed a pug and fertilized her egg with a dog cell. Even worse, she tried justifying it by claiming her act of exhibitionistic bestiality was instead her “observation of zeitgeist through the so called thanatopolitical dimension of contemporary biopolitical practices.” Nah, you’re just a dirty pug-fucker.
1. BILL KRISTOL
Smirkin’ Bill is the only here who’s so annoying, he also made the list last year.
Sitting on his fat, lumpy, lazy ass while speaking at a videotaped seminar, the unjustifiably smug and eminently privileged son of the Godfather of Neoconservatism justified the displacement of America’s white working class:
Look, to be totally honest, if things are so bad as you say with the white working class, don’t you want to get new Americans in? Seriously, you can make the case—this is going on too long and this is too crazy, probably, and I hope this thing isn’t being videotaped or ever shown anywhere. Whatever tiny, pathetic future I have is going to totally collapse….[A]fter two or three generations of hard work everyone becomes kind of decadent, lazy, spoiled—whatever. Then, luckily, you have these waves of people coming in from Italy, Ireland, Russia, and now Mexico, who really want to work hard and really want to succeed….
Mr. Kristol, this here working-class white hopes that in 2018 you die from an exploding hemorrhoid on live television.