March 31, 2015

Source: Shutterstock

I”€™ll allow, reluctantly, that two of the things most likely to be derided as “€œ”€™gay”€™-as-in-“€˜boring/inept”€™”€ are unfortunate hairstyles and unattractive clothing. Still, not even a sweater made of hair immediately and indelibly conveys its makers”€™ “€œeducational”€ message, does it?

If a Down Syndrome advocacy group wanted people to stop saying “€œretard,”€ how would a hat “€œbedazzled”€ with the clipped toenails of mongoloid children serve as an effective pedagogical tool? How precisely would a touring exhibition of necklaces strung with African-American teeth hasten the extinction of the word “€œnigger”€?

Because as I”€™m sure you had already guessed, the “€œgay sweater”€ is the centerpiece of “€œa project aimed at addressing homophobia and transphobia in schools and communities”€ blah blah soooooo sleeeepppyyyyy zzzzzzzz…

It’s obvious to everyone except these eat-your-spinach-or-else bores that they are the real “€œbullies,”€ but few dare to challenge them, lest they too be wished into the cornfield of unemployment and verbal abuse.

So for now, the cowardly and the gullible will accept this social conditioning (see what I did there?) and don a literal hair shirt to atone for their imaginary sins against Big Gay, Inc.

I should apply for a Canada Council Grant (because you can”€™t tell me tax dollars weren”€™t harmed in the making of this stupid sweater) for a campaign of my own:

To finally “€œreclaim”€ the perfectly good word “€œgay”€ from the homo-colonialists who stole it from us, dammit, and raped the innocent fun right out of it.

After that, we retake the rainbow.


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