There would be cash prizes and the winner receives a week-long, all-expenses-paid vacation in Detroit. Part of the prize money should be funneled to the already wealthy Southern Poverty Law Center or, better yet, to help launch Spanish Inquisition-like campaigns to sniff out employees who forward racist emails or snooze during mandatory sensitivity training.
The judges would be notable civil-rights activists such as the Rev. Al Sharpton, and to supply ideological balance, perhaps some anti-racist conservative writers or editors. Color obviously doesn”t matter, but it wouldn”t hurt if they, too, were black. Hundreds of would-be contestants would be auditioned and the survivors given 10 minutes to explain what they have personally done to detoxify America of white racism. Competition will be tough.
Once the top three anti-racists emerge, callers might ask contestants about black crime and black family life to see who has best come to grips with how white racism caused these situations. As with American Idol, the judges may offer some witheringly sarcastic criticisms of the losers. I can easily imagine the Rev. Al Sharpton saying, “Well, Mr. Jones, you claim to have hired a dozen unqualified youths for your business, but I”m offended by your assumption that illiteracy and a spotty work history make somebody “unqualified.””
This way, millions of Americans can receive valuable lessons on white racism’s evils. And perhaps like Dancing with the Stars, celebrities might be enticed to participate. It will make perfect sense for captains of industry or celebs to participate and convince critics that they are absolutely 110% white-racism-free. If challenged about their predilections for white lawyers and doctors, all they need to do is produce the special Forgiveness Certificate that Rev. Sharpton gave them. Not even the pope could offer such a dispensation.
(Winston Smith is a pseudonym for a victim of the thought police who was recently put on the anti-black list.)