How-To

10 Great Things About the Burqa

July 25, 2014

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6. YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT WOMEN

If you look at history you see male accomplishment after male accomplishment. Crowbarring females into every industry gets real laborious real fast. Enforcing Sharia law not only lets you forget about sex, it lets you get to work. We don”€™t need women voting or contributing to the economy in any way. We don”€™t need them in the arts or sciences and we don”€™t need to be wasting time trying to figure out ways for them to become equal human beings. Let’s just relegate them to what they”€™re best at: making more men. Burqas erase them from a society and prevent us from wasting time thinking about them.

7. SAY HORRIBLE SHIT WITHOUT STARES

When you say inconvenient truths like the paragraph above, it hurts women’s feelings. It can be a bummer to see their smiles turn upside down and you end up censoring yourself. It’s also annoying see them turn red with rage when they”€™re offended. They get so fucking uppity. When they”€™re behind a black cloth, however, you can say whatever you want without getting distracted by their emotions. Now they”€™re just mannequins and you can say all the sexist shit you want.

8. IT’s HOT SO YOU KNOW THEY SUFFER

Deep down, if you truly resent women, it’s nice to know they suffer. They know and accept this. In fact, a lot of them like the pain. They have a higher tolerance due to childbirth and being tortured is part of their genetic makeup. Look at how many enjoy a good sauna. I remember Comedian Billy Connolly said they look like they”€™re in a “€œbin bag,”€ and he wasn”€™t far off. A burqa is usually made of black polyester. When the summer hits the Middle East, the thermometer goes way past 100 degrees and it’s gotta be twice that in a garbage bag. When you see a woman covered in these hot months you know she’s in agony. Fucking bitch.

9. YOU CAN THROW ACID ON THEIR FACES

There are about 5,000 honor killings a year and with good reason. When a teenage girl refuses an arranged marriage, she is bringing shame to the entire family, forever. If you don”€™t punish her for this, you look like a bitch. A lot of pussies chicken out when it comes to honor and will just throw acid in her face. Disfigured women look gross but when they”€™re wearing a burqa, you can”€™t see their faces. Now you can restore honor to your family without being reminded of what you”€™ve done every time you look at your sister’s mangled visage.

10. YOU CAN MURDER THEM

If a woman does something dishonorable or is raped by a mob, she should probably have rocks hurled at her until she dies. This takes some mettle because you see her collarbone get broken and her cheek split open way before the final brain hemorrhage. It probably takes forever to kill a woman with stones and when the whole village is watching, you want to be killing a woman who has been sufficiently dehumanized.

I mean, imagine it was Western culture, and the woman being stoned to death was Pam, the red-haired, freckle-faced lady who sells pies at the local bakery. When she starts crying and begging for mercy, you”€™re like, “€œUh, this is awkward.”€ Then, when she’s gone, people are all, “€œWhere’s Pam?”€ They notice there are no pies and her likable chatter has been erased from the village. When you prevent women from making their presence known, it’s easy to obliterate them.

I think I get it now.

 

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