May 08, 2015

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Cab drivers in New York love to chat on the phone. What the hell are they talking about for eight hours in a row? The NY Post sent a translator to find out and the results are even gayer than you”€™d expect. “€œWhat?”€ said one translation, “€œHe wants to have four children? I think he has gone mad! A son and a daughter is the ideal family.”€ A cab driver should be engaging his customer or at least being quiet. Why do I have to attend an Urdu gossip session? Telling the driver to stop talking on the phone is needless conflict that makes your ride unpleasant. Experienced riders will say, “€œPardon me?”€ To which the driver always responds, “€œOh, no, I was speaking with my friend.”€ Then you go, “€œOh, I”€™m sorry. That’s confusing. Here in America it is only homosexuals and thirteen-year-old girls who chat on the phone that much. Different cultures, I guess.”€ This usually gets him fired up and when he barks that he is “€œnot the gay!”€ You can say, “€œIt’s okay if you are. We are very tolerant in this country.”€

Outside of never knowing where they”€™re going (never mind the London cabbie test, these guys can barely handle GPS) the intolerance is probably the worst part about today’s drivers. Minneapolis St-Paul airport reported thousands of people being refused service because they had dogs or alcohol with them. Muslims hate those even more than gays and women. Why”€™d you choose a country where the only thing better than “€œman’s best friend”€ is an ice-cold beer? Why”€™d you choose a job in transportation when you have transportation deal breakers? Liberals see all these questions as racist so the best way to put it to them is to ask them to picture a refugee from war torn Sarajevo escaping to Japan and then refusing to take off his shoes when he goes into people’s homes. As I”€™ve mentioned before, I once had a cab driver pull over and ask me and my wife to leave because we were kissing in the back seat. “€œWe”€™re married!”€ I screamed while refusing to exit the vehicle, “€œAren”€™t you supposed to kiss your wife!?”€

It gets to the point where you”€™re relieved to get a Chinese or Hispanic driver. The former is just incredibly dull and the latter always goes off on a racist tirade every time you ask, “€œHow about those Puerto Ricans, huh?”€ (they”€™re rarely Puerto Rican themselves). None of them can hold a candle to the classic NY cabbie. That in-your-face tough guy was such an integral part of the New York experience he was a tourist attraction himself. If that’s going to be taken over by immigrants it would be nice if they”€™d at least make an effort to understand the culture of their profession. Your customer is not your enemy. He’s your friend. Oh yeah, and he’s always right.


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