REPUBLICANS

Republicans are not conservatives. The GOP is a political party. Conservatism is a philosophy. Hannity is a registered conservative. He is not a Republican. The Republican Party is meant to be a giant umbrella that houses every group listed above, but that doesn”€™t seem to be working. Many conservatives see the Republicans as used car salesmen who will happily sell America out if it means more votes and power. When George W. Bush pushed for open borders, I remember The American Conservative featured him on the cover wearing a sombrero and a poncho. When liberals say, “€œWhere was all this criticism when Bush was in office?”€ please stuff this up their ass. True conservatives hated W.

Ann Coulter is annoyed by all the infighting and says we have to unite to win this next election. She recognizes there will be those who want to vote for their own group such as libertarians and her solution to this is to have them drowned. I”€™m inclined to agree. Ted Cruz is the future of America and I hereby resolve to eat a $100 bill if he doesn”€™t win. He is the only candidate who is capable of commandeering the ship of fools and bringing it back into the harbor.

Oh yeah, that’s another thing: Ann Coulter does not literally want to submerge her philosophical opponents in water until they die. This is called “€œhyperbole.”€ When she suggested we kill Meghan McCain, she was doing a thing called “€œkidding.”€ You know who wants to personally murder everyone who disagrees with them? Nobody. This is a fictional unicorn the left has created. Nobody hates all blacks just because they”€™re black. Okay, maybe seven old guys in America feel that way, but they also hate Greeks and Portuguese. This idea of blanket hatred of an entire group no matter what is so startlingly naïve, I”€™ve become thirsty to meet one of these unicorns so I can keep him in captivity and study him.

Every time I say this about Coulter, New Yorkers inevitably ask the same question: “€œIs she really like that or does she just say those things to sell books?”€ When I say “€œWhat things?”€ there is never a response. Then I ask them to show fault with one sentence in one of her books. They never can because they”€™ve never opened one. Like their hatred of Fox, it is based on a fictional vortex they”€™ve never peered into. This is what I find so confusing about the left. How can you have such a visceral hatred of something you know nothing about? I know what they”€™re about. I used to be one. I was mad at my dad for being smarter than me. Then I grew up. Is their entire political dogma still based on daddy issues? If so, it should be kept between the patient and his overpaid therapist. We are getting sick of explaining the basics of the non-liberal world every Thanksgiving.

Please forward this link to your nephew and refuse to argue with him until he’s read it.



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