January 23, 2008
in New Hampshire, Canadian National National (and New York) Post neocontent provider Mark Steyn has distracted me from Bill Kristol’s New York Times debut by going postal at a Jersey paper’s illiberal ‘complaint that half of Rudy Guiliani’s neoconsigleri are Canadian:
They’re Fencing the Wrong Border
"Forget Walt and Mearsheimer and the Israel lobby. That’s just a front for the real thing. The cabal’s cabal. What destroyed American conservatism? Not the neocons but the neo-Cans:
‘Conservatism can indeed win again, but if it does it will triumph over the neoconservatism of Frum and his fellow Canadians, Charles Krauthammer and Mark Steyn. Until I read this book I hadn’t really thought about how much American neoconservatism owes to these deep thinkers from Canada…"
Now that Time has told Krauthammer and Kristol to mush off, and humorless Canadian PC Mounties have begun chasing Steyn across the ice floes of the St.Lawrence for alleged maple leaf raghead remarks, beating the Frums along the Mohawk is a risky business. Reservation republicans along the New Brunswick border might don Ron Paul warpaint and take up tomahawks, or Heaven save us, their light bulb, Newfoundlander, and extension cord jokes: How many NeoCans does it take to change a regime? Thirteen. One to screw in a dim bulb, and twelve to row the cabal to the mainland.
Long before Trudeau embraced De Gaulle, NeoKnowNothings were at work persuading America’s good and great PaleoWhig President Polk that the Canadian border was Politically Incorrect. ’ Fifty Four Forty Or Fight ’ , in his diplomatic phrase.
PalaeoCans, as NovoCons call Libereaux near the wildly gyrating North Semantic Pole, need not stand around in their snowshoes waiting to be sucked into the muskeg of ethnic politics. They can always invite NeoCans to follow in the footsteps of General Wolfe, Benedict Arnold and the Fenians by invading Canada. Little do innocent Canadians suspect the capacity of Vast Right Wing Conspirators, many evangelicals to begin with , to infiltrate Labrador disguised as Grenfell Mission volunteers. From there, the neoprohibitionist tendency within The Base could launch a wave of brewery raids calculated to bring the drier provinces to their knees.
Reviving The Polk Doctrine would give warlike American NeoCans a splendid opportunity to export democracy to Baffin Island and California’s sister state, the Polar Bear Republic. Here, lest Weekly Standard subscribers worry about whether they should vote in the Ontopario, Quebasse or North North Dakota primaries is a map of:
The NeoCondominium Of PalaeoCanada and Nunavut
Upper Washington North North Dakota Ontopario Newfoundyork
Once comfortably settled in the Big Cold, the NeoCans can ally with the Parti Quebequois to realize Canadian Maoists’ ancestral dream.
Mush on, comrades ! The East is Red Greenland.
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