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What’s your definition of bravery? Rushing into a burning building to save a sizzling baby? Holding off an entire platoon of soldiers from capturing your lonely position single-handed? Or sending out “intimate” images of yourself to an online sex blackmailer, then passing on the private contact details of your colleagues so the miscreant won’t expose you, thereby opening them up to subsequent attempts at criminal sexual manipulation, too?

That would appear to be the “brave” series of acts recently performed by William Wragg, a British Conservative Party MP who has just been exposed as having engaged with some unknown individual posing as an excitingly erect young man named “Charlie” on the gay dating app Grindr, to whom Wragg subsequently sent some unspecified “compromising things” that “Charlie” then threatened to reveal.

I am unsure why Mr. Wragg was so embarrassed by this prospect, given that every single public photograph of the man in existence is in some sense a massive dick pic already, but embarrassed he was. So embarrassed, in fact, he agreed to hand “Charlie” over the private telephone numbers of several of his fellow MPs, who then also subsequently received similar unwanted (or otherwise, reportedly) obscene images, hoping to drag them into a web of sextortion, too, potentially even by spies working on behalf of a hostile foreign power like China.

The Manipulation of Members
Wragg’s subsequent public admission of his auto-pornographic misdeeds was hailed as “courageous” by the British Chancellor, Jeremy Hunt—who, suspiciously, is himself married to a Chinese woman. Does she also have a secret miniature spy camera hidden away deep inside her kompromat-hungry vulva, thus explaining her husband’s subsequent failure to condemn Wragg for his own misdemeanors?

Other Conservative Members of Parliament agreed with Hunt’s over-forgiving assessment. Wragg’s friend Sir Charles Walker even went so far as to say it would be “madness” for the true “victim” here to resign over the incredibly trivial little issue of facilitating the online sexual harassment of others, as “there’s a lot of compassion out there” for him.

There certainly was in the Conservative Party. More surprisingly, there was an awful “lot of compassion out there” for him amongst rival parties too, whose politicians conspicuously neglected to call for Wragg to be fired.

This is rather odd because normally, whenever a British MP so much as farts in the street without prior official clearance in writing from HM the King, there are immediate calls for their equally immediate resignation. Never forget that 2020s Great Britain is the only country in human history in which a Prime Minister has ever been thrown out of office by his own MPs for the heinous sin of eating cake in an administratively inappropriate manner.

Beyond All Reform
In the very same week that Wragg was exposed as being so “courageous,” for example, another British political outfit, the Nigel Farage-backed Reform UK Party, unceremoniously ditched five prospective candidates for the infinitely more serious e-crime of making silly jokes on the internet.

Wannabe Reform MP Pete Addis, for instance, in the uncharacteristically coy words of the Daily Mail, made the suggestion that brown babies “came from a particular sex act”—that is, he typed out the forbidden words “Bum-sex, this is where brown babies come from!” on social media. If so, perhaps William Wragg is responsible for populating an entire Nairobi Maternity Ward? Another Reform candidate, Jonathan Kay, gave his online opinion that Africans had IQs “amongst the lowest in the world,” particular those sired anally by Mr. Wragg via the Nigerian version of Grindr.

A further insta-banished candidate, Ian Harris, liked a tweet from the leader of the Far-Right British National Party, Nick Griffin. How shocking. What did Griffin’s tweet say? Gas the Jews and turn them into swastika-patterned lampshades? No, it merely described the U.K. as being a “bankrupt, crime-ridden, LGBTQ-obsessed, multicult[ural] shit-hole,” which, thanks to fourteen straight (or otherwise) years of being governed by fake “Conservatives” like Big Willie Wank-Wragg, is simply an accurate assessment of the increasingly parlous state of the nation.

Announcing the sackings, a Reform UK spokesman reassured the public that “The Party will not be represented by racists, sexists and homophobes.” I’m not voting for you anymore, then—Nick Griffin sounds much more to my tastes.

So, in summary, you will now be thrown out of British politics forever for either eating cake, telling the simple truth, or making a racially tinged joke about the color of poo, but not for facilitating the potential sexual blackmail of your fellow MPs by the agents of Fu Manchu.

Indiscretion Is the Better Part of Valor
Although Wragg did eventually resign as vice-chair (with the emphasis upon the word “vice”) of the backbench 1922 Committee of Tory MPs, he had already announced he was stepping down as an MP altogether at the next General Election anyway—and, as said vote is only a few months away, and his Party is doomed to lose it very badly indeed, primarily because their ranks are full of venal idiots like himself, this is about as great a “self-sacrifice” as a soldier deciding to resign his commission and return back home five minutes before the Battle of the Somme was scheduled to kick off.

Only one Conservative MP had the guts to tell the actual truth about Wragg’s conduct—Andrea Jenkyns, who also received a free unsolicited porn pic to her phone thanks to Will’s “courage,” asking, “Why are they [Conservative Party high-ups] protecting Wragg? It’s bizarre…. How is it ‘brave’? The brave thing to do would have been to ignore the blackmail,” not to expose others to it too.

So, why were the Conservatives protecting him? Obviously, it was because William Wragg is a massive homosexual, and to criticize homosexuals for doing homosexual things, even when they endanger the professional and personal lives of others, or even the national security of their own country, is now politically impossible in British politics.

And, just to make absolutely certain he could never be sacked just for doing highly sackable things, Wragg had already made absolutely sure to get further excuses in early by publicly coming out in 2022 not only as gay but also as commendably mentally ill. Like his fellow past Conservative Party MP Sir Winston Churchill, Wragg told people he suffered from “the black dog” of depression. Unlike Sir Winston during his own Darkest Hour, however, Wragg then decided to take time off from his parliamentary duties in order to spend more time at home with his own penis, promising voters that, when he returned back to work, refreshed and re-jizzed, he would be able to “love life and [my]self a bit more.” Is that even possible?

A Moral Car Crash
Another Conservative MP who appears to love himself rather excessively is Jamie Wallis, who in 2022 displayed even more public courage than William Wragg by virtue of crashing his car into a lamppost so hard the pole snapped, then fleeing the scene on foot dressed in a black leather miniskirt, makeup, high heels, and pearl necklace (literal, not figurative). In court, Wallis denied he had been driving with undue care and attention, as the prosecution alleged, saying he had simply swerved into the lamppost to avoid a passing cat—a humanitarian action, really.

He further explained that he then suffered a sudden PTSD panic attack, after having recently met up with a fellow gay online, who had suddenly bummed him without a condom despite having politely been asked not to do any such thing. When approached by local residents wanting to check he was uninjured following his accident, Wallis claimed he thought they, too, were about to kidnap, kill, and gang-rape him, as so often happens to car-crash victims these days, at least in the fictional world of J.G. Ballard.

“I am sorry that it appears I ‘ran away,’ but this isn’t how it happened in the moment,” Wallis hilariously told the court. I would love to have seen that line tried back at Nuremberg: “I am sorry that it appears I ‘invaded Poland,’ but this isn’t how it happened in the moment.”

The presiding judge was having none of it. Whilst it could not be proved whether he crashed due to carelessness or the sudden presence of a teleporting cat, the judge found Wallis guilty of failing to report an accident, and of leaving his car in a dangerous position, fining him £2,500 and complaining he “didn’t find the defendant credible,” as “When I watched him give evidence it seemed to me he [was] fitting his own behavior around the behavior of PTSD,” i.e., playing the gay and mad cards and thinking nobody would dare contradict him in this excuse because loony homos are complete secular saints now. Wherever could Mr. Wallis have got hold of this particular idea? Oh yes, the House of Bloody Commons.

Gay Abandon—of the Crime Scene
Once news about his car crash leaked, Wallis released a long public statement in which he declared that “I’m trans. Or, to be more accurate, I want to be.” He can’t even do that properly, then. Wallis too had been blackmailed via embarrassing photos, he declared, going into wholly unneeded detail about his prior bum rape. He also said he had PTSD and declared that “I am not OK,” which I would have thought was already a given. Having thereby preemptively outed himself as (aspirantly) trans, depressed, and anally traumatized, Wallis rendered it politically impossible to receive any possible public criticism the next time he appeared in the Commons.

Accordingly, then PM Boris Johnson declared that “The House stands with you, and will give you the support you need to live freely as yourself.” Labour Party leader Sir Queer Starmer agreed, as did gay Labour MP Wes Streeting, who said he was “Sending you love and solidarity from the other side of the Commons,” before blowing him a little kiss and declaring that, if he was interested, he always wore a condom.

Streeting specifically acclaimed Wallis as “courageous,” whilst Plaid Cymru Commons Leader Liz Saville Roberts gushed buckets over his “extraordinarily brave message,” declaring her “Great respect for your personal courage.” Then-Conservative Party chairman Oliver Dowden, likewise, dropped his trousers and got hard, wet, and sloppy all over “your brave statement.”

Brave how? He literally fled the scene of his own crime and then got praised for it! I am reminded of the sycophantic minstrels’ song about their knightly but cowardly master Sir Robin in Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail:

Brave Sir Robin ran away,
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled…
Swiftly taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!

At least Sir Robin’s minstrels were paid panderers, though. What’s the MPs’ excuse? A genuinely “courageous” politician within the absurdly homophilic context that now prevails across Westminster would be one who stood up in the House of Commons and courteously explained that, in any sane and rational society, dickheads like Wragg and Wallis would not automatically be allowed to get away with doing terrible things just because they happened to be a pair of giant benders.

I have no objection to gay MPs per se. I just don’t think they should be actively celebrated whenever they do something awful. What next? Giving Dennis Nilsen a posthumous Victoria Cross?