SupremeCommanderDude: Hey, you up? What time is it there? The sun already saluted me three times today.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: The Jongster! Just thinking about ya.
SupremeCommanderDude: Oh yeah? Don’t worry, all the nuke guys are being eaten by dogs 2day. JK LOL
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Naw, we’re cool. Thinking about pizza. Just dealing with Melania, AGAIN.
SupremeCommanderDude: And that reminded you of moi? I don’t have the legs, man. LOLOL.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: I had a question about Ri.
SupremeCommanderDude: Shoot, bro, she’s in the west wing reading “Let Us Defend the Revolutionary Spirit of Independence, Self-Reliance, and Self-Defense More Thoroughly in All Fields of State Activities” to the kids.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Does she ever chime in on stuff?
SupremeCommanderDude: Only when we get close to the Chanel shop. LOL.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Oh man, BEEN THERE.
SupremeCommanderDude: You mean like actual opinions? I remember one night we were at the Hamhung Grand to see “The Shrine for a Tutelary Deity” and she said one of the actors was too old to be the daimon in a spirit house.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: No, I don’t mean movie bullshit.
SupremeCommanderDude: Shut yo mouth. Live-ass drama!
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Oh yeah, she drags me to Broadway. We went to some play about singing French assholes and it was called “The Miserable Singing French Assholes,” they actually labeled it miserable, so yeah, been there, done that, shut the fuck up is what I say, just give me a tee time.
SupremeCommanderDude: I hear ya, man. I gotta do revolutionary opera and shit, my old man got the family into it. The entertainment options SUCK here. We gotta talk later about that NBA expansion team, you haven’t mentioned it lately but I’m gonna bug ya. I know Houston already claimed Rockets for a mascot, so listen to this: the Pyongyang Thermos.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: I don’t get it.
SupremeCommanderDude: THERMONUCLEAR, man. The Thermos. Or we could just go with the Thermonukes. That’s what we’re known for, it’s all marketing.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Naw, that’s like a canister that poor people sit on the grass and drink out of. You can’t use that. Do you even have a venue for basketball?
SupremeCommanderDude: Do I have a venue? The Ryugyong Chung Ju-Yung Gym, bro. Ask my homie Dennis Rodman, he’s seen it, slam-dunked it, and trained 12,000 revolutionary commissars to do the wave.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Oh yeah, I never thanked you for that. Befriending Afro-Americans helps the whole overall narrative of this thing. I have a black friend also.
SupremeCommanderDude: Send him over, we’re building a team.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Naw, he doesn’t play, but I’ll send him to talk to Rodman. Tell Dennis that Kanye will be dropping by. KAHN-YAY is the African pronunciation.
SupremeCommanderDude: Will do. By the way, I’m sending over some tech docs tomoro about You Know What.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: I don’t know, I haven’t said yes on that yet.
SupremeCommanderDude: Come on, bro, ONE ROCKET, ONE WARHEAD, and we keep it locked up 30 miles from Tonghae. It helps with p.r.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Looks bad from my end. It’s not the numbers, it’s the RANGE.
SupremeCommanderDude: Hear me out, it’s a win-win.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: Convince me.
SupremeCommanderDude: 5100 nautical miles.
SupremeCommanderDude: Think about it. What if I pull the tech guys off the project and we max out at 5100 nautical miles?
AwesomeHillaryKiller: You gonna make me Google it? How the fuck far is that?
SupremeCommanderDude: Far enough to hit California.
AwesomeHillaryKiller: EXACTLY. That’s why we gotta reboot.
SupremeCommanderDude: Wait. Listen.