Huh

No Kids Allowed

October 16, 2015

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Making cartoons a part of your life is as normal as being into football. I just looked at an office space with a sexually ambiguous, male, fortysomething Realtor who casually mentioned his love of the Powerpuff Girls. When I recoiled in horror he seemed surprised and said, “€œOh come on. Everyone has their vices.”€ My vices are bourbon and yelling at strangers, not round drawings of 5-year-old girls.

I went to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs with my kids and as I sat in front of a 50-year-old male he let out an exasperated sigh. I asked him if there was a problem and he said, “€œOf all the seats in the whole theater, you just had to sit there.”€ I am not tall nor do I wear a top hat so I yelled, “€œI”€™m sorry if my CHILDREN ruined your CHILDREN’s movie!”€ The exact same thing happened when I took them to The Adventures of Tintin. There was a well-dressed old lady in the front who rolled her eyes when I showed up with my three kids. A whole pile of families came in after us and I heard her mumble, “€œShit,”€ as she grabbed her coat and stormed out. It’s a fucking cartoon! Tintin’s dog showed him a treasure map. Mind if some kids check it out?

Halloween is a couple of weeks away and the streets are filled with pop-up stores full of costumes. I”€™d estimate about 80% of the costumes are for adults. Women seem to have turned the holiday into slut night, which I won”€™t be objecting to anytime soon. However, it is kind of weird walking my kids through row after row of prostitute outfits so they can look at normal kids”€™ costumes at the back of the store. Liberals like to yammer on and on about “€œcultural insensitivity“€ during Halloween. How about the fact that you are adults talking about a night when you”€™re meant to go door-to-door asking grown-ups for candy? We”€™re not stealing culture from minorities. We”€™re stealing it from kids. I”€™m not against adults having fun, but when they become so comfortable with being a kid it starts pushing out real kids, we need to stamp that out, no erasies, swallow the key, times infinity.

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