February 13, 2015

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We tell women they”€™re men and they should fuck like men. This leads them to march down the street in Slut Walks baring their breasts and demanding they be allowed to do so. (It’s already legal in New York, yet they keep doing this protest with no complaints from any men whatsoever.) They demanded we let them burn their bras so we can see their tits better. They insisted we stop seeing them as baby machines, so we banged them until their ovaries dried up and then kicked them to the curb. We”€™ve got them so brainwashed, they think “€œvagina”€ is a sexist term because it excludes women with a penis. We say feminism is empowering, but kick-ass chicks end up 40 and alone with their dog, while you”€™ll rarely see a happier woman than a young married Catholic chick with three or more kids.

I think being a housewife is the coolest thing a woman can be, but I understand a lot of women don”€™t want to settle down in their 20s. There are still a myriad of pursuits you can ponder during those formative years without destroying your brand. Starting a career is a waste of time if you”€™re eventually going to drop it for a family, and no matter what women think when they”€™re 20, by 30 the vast majority have changed their minds. This is beautifully depicted in the song “€œ29/31“€ by Garfunkel and Oates, where a 29-year-old opines wistfully about all the wonderful opportunities that lie ahead for her”€”while the 31-year-old screams, “€œTHERE’s NOBODY LEFT. I”€™M ALL ALONE!”€

Art is a wonderful way for a woman to spend her 20s. It’s fulfilling, attractive, introduces you to a wide variety of suitors, and you can drop it any time. You don”€™t need to be a dude or a slut. Be an artist. Courtney Barnett is an incredible singer from Australia who manages to be cute without being coy. Liz Harris is a fantastic musician from Oregon who calls herself Grouper. She resonates with class and beauty and never wrote “€œSlut”€ on herself. Deers are another band that maintain femininity while assembling amazing songs that stick in your head. Ex Hex are probably the most masculine of the bunch but they”€™re doing it in a comical way that’s almost a parody.

All of these girls are young and make beautiful music without falling into the kick-ass trap. I hope they all find a man before their ovaries get old and they can settle down with the memories of this fun moment in their life. Jenny Lewis used to be one of them, but she kept touring and focusing on her career and now she’s left singing songs like “€œOne of the Guys”€ and kidding herself with heartbreaking quotes, such as: “€œI feel like, at this point, the records are my children.”€

Visual art is another noble pursuit for a woman in her 20s. Carly Jean Andrews was born with an incredible talent, and she’s turned it into something groundbreaking. The same goes for Rachel Ryle, Jeanette Hayes, and Rachel Twizell. I didn”€™t know Langley Fox was Hemingway’s granddaughter. I was drawn to her work because it’s perfect. She has no balls at all and whoever eventually gets her is going to be one lucky guy. Fashion and film are also areas where young women seem to prosper. Be a stylist. Make an art film. Write a novel. Running around demanding things and fighting for rights you already have isn”€™t empowering. It’s annoying.

One of my wife’s friends was recently lamenting the lack of women in a “€œTop 100 Superheroes of All Time”€ list. I asked her why they needed to be there and she said, “€œWomen need to be everywhere.”€ This is something Geena Davis has devoted her life to. She wants women to star in 50% of action films because action films are important. What these women don”€™t get is that they are playing into men’s hands. Men like to see Catwoman kick a bad guy’s teeth in while wearing stilettos. It’s not something women would normally do. That’s the irony of all this. Feminism is women doing what they”€™re told.


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