April 04, 2014
While we”re dreaming, let’s pair more xenophobes with their worst enemies. Lou Dobbs has been railing against mass immigration for decades. He seems to think incoming Mexicans are some kind of plague that drains our resources and dilutes our culture. Okay, let’s make him marry one and have kids with her. Knowing Mexicans, they”d probably have four kids, and like poor Naomi Schafer Riley, he”d be the only white person in his house. How’s he going to complain about a tidal wave of Mexicans when he’s drowning in his own living room?
Jim Goad hails himself as “the bravest man in America,” and his hate bible The Redneck Manifesto is on its 13th pressing. He seems to think whites are the best, and I assume his America has no black people in it at all. So let’s move him down to Stone Mountain, GA where it’s 86.8% black. His nickname in his new neighborhood would be “snowflake” and he”d have to send his son to black schools with black teachers and black classmates. Yeah, let’s make Jim live in a neighborhood that’s 0% white, as civil rights warrior Tim Wise does, or bask under a tin-roofed shack of blackness, as SPLC’s Morris Dees does. The thought of Goad having to get his groceries in an all-black neighborhood and commuting for two hours each way through oceans of black people to get to work in Marietta makes everything seem right in the world. This is what it must feel like to be God.
I”ve saved my most elaborate punishment for last. Jared Taylor calls himself a “racial realist” and runs the bile-puking hate site American Renaissance. I”d like to put him in a time machine and have him be born in Japan, where he would spend his entire childhood being the only white person in the room. He would be forced to learn Japanese as his primary language and only hear English from his parents and movies. Then, after an entire childhood living in someone else’s culture, when he turned 16, I would bring him to America, where he would have to adapt to society as a Japanese man with white skin. Only then would he realize the beauty and power of multiculturalism, and understand the unassailable truth: diversity is our strength.
I realize that all this sounds cruel and unusual, but my heart is in the right place. My motives are the same as most progressives”: education. I want these ignorant pundits to see what’s going on so they can learn what the real world is all about. They couldn”t be espousing these wildly unpopular ideas because they feel a need to be truthful. Princeton Mom can”t want what’s best for young ladies; she must be trying to oppress them. Naomi Schafer Riley can”t be taking a sober look at black studies and giving a rigorous evaluation; she must be a racist. John Derbyshire’s talks with his kids can”t be based on his desire for them to remain alive: they must be based on hatred of the unknown. Same with Jared Taylor. If he’s dubious about diversity, that must mean he’s never tried it. Lou Dobbs” opinions on immigration can”t come from his vast background in economics. His views make Mexicans feel bad, ergo, they must come from not understanding how Mexicans feel. Hurting people’s feelings is wrong, and therefore anything that makes anyone feel uncomfortable is factually incorrect. We need to lift these oblivious miscreants out of the darkness and into the light of perfect equality. Maybe then their views would be based on facts and what they truly believe, as opposed to just blind ignorance.