May 08, 2012

Chris Rock

Chris Rock

An officer on the scene reportedly told one injured victim to “shut up and get in the car,” then shrugged that the attackers “were probably juveniles anyway. What are we going to do? Find their parents and tell them?” He then supposedly pointed to a nearby public housing complex and shrugged, “It’s what they do.”

Stung by charges of dereliction and incompetence, the Norfolk cops’ spokesman Chris Amos complained wearily that, when trying to establish the exact number of teen attackers, “we’re kind of at the mercy of our victims.” He didn’t ascribe any racial motives to the crime, which he characterized as “someone throwing a rock at someone’s car” and “simple assault””€”because “there’s no code for mob assault” in the police department’s “system.”

Amos’s advice for motorists who find themselves in similar situations?

“Call the police,” of course.

Except the couple did call 911. It took them three tries to get through.

If only they’d had the chance to use Microsoft’s “ghetto app” instead.

It’s officially called “Pedestrian Route Production””€”this still-in-development smart-phone application will be designed to help the user avoid “€œunsafe neighborhoods.”€

Predictably, the Dallas NAACP and other black critics have denounced the as-yet-unavailable phone feature as “racist.”

But what about listening to Chris Rock’s Bring the Pain in the car? Is that “racist,” too?

The ever-helpful comic has another routine about “driving while black.” Once again, he provides simple, common-sense (and foul-mouthed) tips for avoiding a beatdown, this time at the hands of police: obey the law, turn down that loud rap music, and don’t run from the cops.

Rock also jokingly tells black drivers to “get a white friend” whose mere presence in the bitch seat could mean the difference “between a ticket and a bullet in the ass.”

In all likelihood, Microsoft will be bullied by racial shakedown artists into junking the “ghetto app” that”€”especially if programmed to alert users to any street (or statue) with Martin Luther King’s name on it”€”could’ve prevented the Norfolk attack and many others.

This leaves white drivers who’d rather risk death than accusations of racism with one utterly impractical, ultra-low-tech option when they need tips on which neighborhoods to avoid: Don’t leave your driveway without Derb behind the wheel and Chris Rock sitting shotgun.


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