December 10, 2017

Source: Pixabay

As all good stoners know, it is theoretically and morally impossible to simultaneously like cannabis and Adolf Hitler.

An Oregon couple learned this the hard way last week when members of Eugene Antifa outed “Two Prominent Members of the Oregon Cannabis Community” as suspected white supremacists or, hell, let’s just flip all the cards and call them neo-Nazis.

Bethany Sherman is a white woman with a two-year-old white child. She is also currently pregnant with another white child. Until very recently, she was also the CEO of “OG Analytical,” a lab that did things such as testing cannabis samples for traces of pesticides. But when it was revealed that she also holds such terrifying beliefs such as “Our children deserve to be raised in a wholesome environment free of oppression against whites”—which, as all sane people know, is merely a very dishonest way of saying, “I want to kill every last nonwhite person, but not before making them shine my shoes and sing old slave spirituals for my enjoyment”—the ludicrously easily offended white pot-smokers of Oregon erupted in the predictable self-flagellating orgy of terror and disgust. 

In the course of resigning her CEO post and rendering all fourteen of her employees unemployed, Sherman wrote:

My only crime is a thought crime, akin to 1984….I find it extremely disconcerting that it is admired and revered to have “Gay Pride,” “Black Pride,” “Asian Pride,” or pride in any other cultural heritage, but if you have “White Pride,” it automatically makes you a Nazi, and you are ostracized, attacked, and lynched by your community. I admit, I am proud that I am white, and I’m not ashamed of my heritage. And I admit that I have been so conditioned to feel shame about this pride that I discreetly sought community where I could.

No weed for you, NAZI!

It has long been a lingering suspicion of our editorial staff that a huge quotient of white Christian American Republicans are superstitious simpletons who care more about Israel’s well-being than they do about the safety and sustainability of their own neighborhoods.

This suspicion was justified in a recent poll by Pew Research that found a staggering 82% of white American evangelicals say that God interrupted whatever he was doing in order to give Israel to the Jewish people. In contrast, a mere 40% of American Jews said they believe the same thing. According to the accompanying Pew report, “White evangelical Protestants also are more likely than Jews to favor stronger U.S. support of Israel.”

It is beyond dispute that America is Israel’s greatest ally. But is Israel America’s best friend? Oy! Tough question.


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