Takimag

Takimag

Los Angeles, California

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Bah, Blah, and Erin-Go-Bragh Headlines AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE TEACHER AWAY (HOPEFULLY) The Long Beach (California) Unified School District has paid $900,000 to a group called “Californians for Justice,” which bribes students $1,400 each to participate in “racial and ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Glowering, Empowering, and Lose-an-Houring Headlines HEAP BAD DECISION The Telegraph has declared Americans “in revolt” against “green energy,” thanks to the mass killing of bird species courtesy of wind farms. But a better example of environmental mismanagement occurred ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Scion, Zion, and In-Like-a-Lion Headlines KURDS AND WHY Mohammed El-Kurd bills himself as “the first-ever Palestine correspondent for The Nation.” Though technically, that’s not true. There’ve been others, but they’ve always blown themselves up on day one because they ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Vile, Worthwhile, and Bissextile Headlines MARCUS STARVEY According to The New York Times, there’s a growing movement of American blacks relocating to Africa. The black participants are calling it “Blaxit.” Fast-food workers, subway riders, Asian pedestrians, and Super ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Torrential, Deferential, and Presidential Headlines NUTS TO YOU A guy walks into a doctor’s office. Though normal from all outward appearances, when the man speaks, out comes the most appalling sound—a screeching, lispy monstrosity of a voice. “Doctor,” he says, ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Wining, Dining, and Be-My-Valentining Headlines HOLLYWOOD’S BLACKLIST Santa’s Village was an amusement park where kids could experience Christmas year-round. Black History Month is the Santa’s Village of observances. Every month in the U.S. is a forced celebration of ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Veering, Peering, and Leap-Yearing Headlines SOMEWHERE OVER THE BRAIN-SLOW It was the greatest unsolved mystery of our time. D.B. Cooper? The Black Dahlia? The Zodiac killer? Dudley Moore’s movie career (dude was five feet tall...how the hell did he become a romantic lead in ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Humping, Lumping, and Border-Jumping Headlines EXTERMINATION CHARGING STATION You can’t spell “never again” without “EV.” Last week Elon Musk faced a revolt from Tesla owners fed up with the lack of “supercharger” stations to jolt up their vehicles. According to ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Flying, Crying, and Friendly-Skying Headlines JUST PLANE CRAZY 2023’s least pleasant travel trend was airplane defecation. A dozen stories involving passengers “letting loose” in the seats and aisles. Well, welcome to 2024, the year that will make you nostalgic for the ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Teeming, Scheming, and I-Have-a-Dreaming Headlines A SCOOBY JEW MYSTERY! Today’s episode: The Case of the Haunted Brownstone. Crown Heights, Brooklyn: For weeks, people living in the area were hearing voices coming from their walls and floorboards. “Honey, I think we have ...


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