Anthony Weiner

Source: Wikimedia Commons

HOMOS ON DOPE
A recent report by the Department of Health’s Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration reveals that America’s gay, lesbian, and bisexual population is hogging up a lopsidedly disproportionate amount of this once-fine nation’s drugs. Over the past year, nearly 40% of the USA’s “queer” population claims to have used illicit drugs, compared to a measly 17% of the normal, red-blooded, meat-and-potatoes, baby-producing population. Homos and their endless iterations were more than twice as likely to have tried marijuana, prescription pain relievers, tranquilizers, and stimulants; about three times as likely to have tried cocaine, hallucinogens, or heroin; four times as likely to have tried meth; and ten times as likely to have abused inhalants.

Of course, we all know the reason for this is not because homosexuals are messed-up, it’s because the society that surrounds them is messed-up, and this does not by any means qualify as rank psychological projection on the part of the homo community.

THE RESURRECTION OF CHIEF WAHOO
We currently inhabit a cultural terrarium in which team names such as the Vikings, Celtics, and Fighting Irish are not considered offensive but Redskins, Braves, Blackhawks, and Indians are hate crimes in motion.

Of those four Injun-monikered teams, by far the most conventionally offensive logo belongs to the Cleveland Indians’ Chief Wahoo, who has fire-engine-red skin and an insane gleam in his eye. Introduced as a logo for the team in the late 1940s, Wahoo was replaced on the teams’ caps by a block “C” logo in 2013. But for reasons that are yet unclear, he reappeared on the Indians’ caps during this playoff season, leading to shrieks of moralistic indignation by chubby cuckolded sportswriters.

This year’s World Series pits two perennial losers against one another”€”the Cleveland Indians, who haven’t won a Series sine 1948, and the Chicago Cubs, who haven’t triumphed since 1908. In the LA Times, Paul Thornton publicly wishes for the Indians to lose merely because he doesn’t like their racist logo.

At press time, Cleveland and Chief Wahoo are leading the World Series by three games to one. GO TRIBE!

SAY HELLO TO “€œHOBOPHOBIA”€
“Man arrested on manslaughter charge following death of Briton with ham on his buttocks,” screams the headline from the Sunday Express. Not to be outdone, the Mirror tantalizes readers with “‘Well-built giant’ arrested over mystery death of Brit found with genitals in can of tuna.”

Both lurid headlines refer to an incident in which a 51-year-old homeless man was found dead at Malaga Airport. He had been bound to a bench with his pants pulled down. A slice of ham had been placed on each buttock and his genitals had been put into a tuna can. He died from choking on his own vomit.

A constellation of Spanish charities that work with homeless people are suggesting that the victim was killed due to “hobophobia””€”an irrational fear of vagrants. More information about this baseless and hate-filled dread of hostile schizophrenic begging lepers who breathe AIDS and sweat hepatitis is available here.