September 18, 2016
Source: Wikimedia Commons
RESTAURANT OWNER BENDS OVER, GRABS HIS ANKLES, AND APOLOGIZES TO GAYS AND TRANNIES
A diner owner in the Albertan town of Red Deer is apologizing profusely for posting a sign outside that read:
ITS [sic] ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND STEVE! PICK A WASHROOM
Scott Shaw, owner of the ironically named Queen’s Diner, explained that the sign was a lighthearted protest of the fact that he was unable to afford building a third bathroom in his establishment merely to appease the minoritarian psychopaths who insist against all DNA evidence that they were assigned the wrong gender at birth. But after the predictably furious backlash, he rolled over and offered up his belly like a whipped puppy:
I didn”t mean it to hurt people that are already hurting….I did something that was inappropriate. I admit it 100 percent….This went too far. The more I say, the stupider I look about it.
And on that, we can all agree.
MOTHER/DAUGHTER TEAM SMASH THE PATRIARCHY BY BITCHING ABOUT WALMART’s TAMPON SECTION
Perhaps the most puzzling aspect of modern feminism is its insistence that in order to be taken seriously, women need to talk about their menstrual cycles with the zeal of five-year-olds who’ve just discovered finger-painting.
Witness the undeserved applause heaped upon an Arkansas mother and her 13-year-old daughter whose text conversation “rips into the patriarchy” by vagina-shaming a local Walmart which apparently neglected to put up a sign announcing where they kept their tampons. Belinda Hankins and her daughter Isabella were showered in labial hosannas for publicly sharing a text-message conversation in which they called out the retail giant for not placing a sign on the “massive aisle of stuff for your vagina,” implausibly alleging that “vaginas are SECRET,” that “there is NEVER a sign for that section,” and that “society is controlled by men, and they fear us because we are powerful.”
These daffy broads are oblivious to the fact that Walmart clearly announces its massive tampon section with a sign marked “Feminine Needs.” But they are correct that a significant portion of male society fears them”not because they are powerful, but because they are simultaneously delusional and hysterical.
HUBBA-HUBBA! INSANELY FOXY 21-YEAR-OLD ULTRA-NATIONALIST RUNS FOR RUSSIAN PARLIAMENT
Maria Katasonova is a beautiful 21-year-old hardcore Russian nationalist competing in Russia’s elections to select deputies for the Duma, which is the lower house of the Russian parliament. Representing the “ultra-nationalist” party Rodina (“Motherland”), Katasonova filmed herself in a 2015 video toting a rifle and promising to “destroy the whole world” if Ukrainian separatists did not achieve victory. She has also posted selfies of herself in a “Crooked Hillary” T-shirt and posing alongside a “triptych” of Donald Trump, Marine Le Pen, and Vladimir Putin.
If Russians have any decency and self-respect, they will do the right thing and elect this woman.