March 02, 2011

Dear Delphi,

My ex-wife died and I REALLY do not want to go to her funeral. My children are 35 and 40 years old and have their own families. I have not been married to their mother for 20 years. Do you think I can stay home?

“€”Frustrating Funeral in Frankfurt

Dear Frustrating Funeral in Frankfurt,

I don”€™t think you should have to go to a funeral if you do not want to. It is not a must-go event, and there is no chance you are going to offend the deceased by backing out at the last minute. The funeral is really for the people who survive the deceased and not the person in the coffin.

Yes, your children are older and don”€™t need you there. But they probably would like you to go”€”more to show them you care about them and their families than to prove you cared about their mother. Don”€™t try to get out of it in a polite way by calling and asking them if they would mind if you don”€™t go, because they will probably let you off the hook and then get mad about it later. Assuming you don”€™t want to go because you don”€™t want to talk to any of your ex’s friends or relatives, go and play with your grandchildren, which will insulate you from having to converse with others. It would make everyone happy on an otherwise bad day. So go!



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