May 15, 2015

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Some incredibly rich guy recently loaned his luxury apartment overlooking Central Park to a kid I work with who normally lives way out in Jersey. I asked him what he was doing with it and he said, “€œNot much. Watching movies.”€ What the hell is going on? “€œIf I was in your shoes”€ I told him, “€œThere”€™d be a dead prostitute rolled up in a carpet and the kitchen table would have a large bowl of cocaine next a large bowl of heroin. There”€™d be cigarettes and beer bottles everywhere and the whole room would reek of sex.”€ Young people are at the aesthetic peak of their lives. They should be naked and on top of each other. Try it all and don”€™t use a condom. If you can”€™t stop thinking about blowing a guy, suck a dick. Get out of the house. It’s not running away from home if you”€™re 18. It’s moving out. Young people should be peacocking, not wearing pajamas. Dress like Johnny Cash and get in a fight. Throw out those Uggs and put some high heels on. Make us old people jealous of you. Make us shake our fists in the air and tell you to turn it down. I don”€™t resent young people because they”€™re having so much fun. I resent them because they aren”€™t having enough.

You should have a moped at that age and you should crash it. You should also know how to fix it. The guy who invented the Leatherman created it because he was sick of lugging around tools to fix his $300 Fiat. I have my problems with the boomers but at least they enjoyed their youth. They hopped trains and worked shitty jobs and told lippy broads to “€œshut up.”€

You can”€™t be a good CEO if you don”€™t understand your workers and you get to know your workers by being one. This isn”€™t pre-Thatcher Britain. The leaders of industry are no longer Sirs who were awarded their position because daddy said so. You no longer get anywhere by sitting on your ass and waiting to become Little Lord Fauntleroy. Today’s billionaires are self-made. They worked hard and lived life. You need to experience the culture before you can monetize it.

The same goes with chasing tail. Outside of those happy Catholics, marriages today tend to fall apart when one of them hasn”€™t sown their oats. You need to figure out what your type is before you devote the rest of your life to having sex with her. I don”€™t think young men today even have a word for “€œass man.”€ Remember blondes VS. brunettes? Now it’s just two people with short hair checking their phones.

It’s not just good for the individual young person to live life to the fullest. It’s good for society overall. We need you out there buying clothes and going to shows and eating in our restaurants. Nothing stimulates the economy like a twenty something trying to get laid. They”€™re the most coveted demographic there is for virtually every business. As my tattoo says, “€œVanity employed a million of the poor and odious pride a million more.”€ So kids, get your nose out of the book and stop wasting time. When we ask you what you”€™re rebelling against, the answer shouldn”€™t be, “€œNothing.”€ It should be, “€œWhaddya got?”€


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