Low Life

Bin Laden Wins!

May 13, 2011

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Osama Bin Laden

“€œBin Laden Wins!”€ should be the cover headline on TIME magazine this week, rather than the hackneyed, he’s-as-bad-as-Hitler cover with the red “X” through his face. Perhaps if America had a reliable source of news we would get such a report. Instead, we have juvenile stunts worthy of a third-rate high-school newspaper.

In every conceivable way, Osama Bin Laden achieved what he set out to do to us. Let us consider:

EXHIBIT A
Osama wanted us out of “€œholy”€ Saudi Arabia. We left. This is probably not a bad thing. We oughtn”€™t have been there in the first place. However, it was a major thorn in Osama’s side, and he got it removed.

EXHIBIT B
Osama said he would bankrupt us like he did the Soviets. He did. Everyone knows the Afghan and Iraq wars have cost at least $1.2 trillion and maybe as much as $3 trillion. Most know we are in debt up to our ears. Unemployment is at 16.6%. There is no end in sight. In that sense we”€™re broke, and largely because we went gallivanting off to the Middle East. Osama wins again.

“€œIn every conceivable way, Osama Bin Laden achieved what he set out to do to us.”€

EXHIBIT C
Osama wanted to create a fundamental Islamic awareness throughout the region. They”€™re aware. In all of those videos which you were told about but rarely saw, Osama goes on and on (and on) about how most of the Middle East is run by Western puppets. This message resonated across the region’s kinfolk. Not all of these revolutionary “€œmovements”€ are due to Osama, but he helped them along. Most are not revolutions, either; they”€™re coups in which the system does not change but only the power-holders. When you see a student or “€œactivist”€ actually become leader of a nation, let me know. In case you missed it, Egypt normalized relations with Iran and wants to “€œreevaluate”€ their relations with Israel. Saudi Arabia already has offered to take up the burden of supporting Cairo.

EXHIBIT D
Osama hoped we would welcome sleeper cells which seek to destroy us. We opened the door wide. Rather than buttoning up the country after 9/11, the government did next to nothing. There is a gaping hole in the south through which anyone can come, and some Middle Easterners have already been caught. (What? No one considered they would think of sneaking into the nation through the 2,000-mile-wide open doorway with the flashing ENTER THIS WAY in neon?) In a desperate bid to demonstrate how cosmopolitan America is to the world, we took in more Muslims after 9/11 than we ever did before. The same with Indians and Mexicans. Most of the newcomers we embraced are incredibly ill-suited to liberal republican democracy. The majority of Muslims favor Sharia law, Indians come from the Land of Corruption, and most Mexicans seem more familiar with drug lords than with governments. Mexico just had one of their most violent months ever, with over 1,400 gang killings. (Coming soon to a neighborhood near you!) In a decade we imported more people of every race, creed, and color hostile to America than al-Qaeda could have ever spawned.

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