April 06, 2011
Dear Tricky Behavior in Toulouse,
It seems like your husband’s friend and his wife are trying to make each other jealous and are using you and your husband as pawns. There are obviously internal goings-on about which you are clueless. Maybe he always flirts and she is trying to get back at him. Maybe he just found out she had an affair and is trying to reel her back in; who knows?
The point is he is not complimenting you for you, but rather to have some kind of effect on his wife. If this man is your husband’s good friend and there is no hope of talking him out of seeing them, you must adapt. Try to ignore the whole thing and not take any of it personally. Be nice to her and him as if you are an innocent lamb incapable of reading signals and are completely oblivious to what is going on around you. Do not start to play the game and act excited when the friend compliments you; you risk her trying to poison your wine the next time you have dinner.
It could be that this is a time-honored French method of keeping one’s spouse interested. If so, start taking notes because you, too, may be expected to play masterful games of who can make whom more jealous by using innocent bystanders as props.
I am a 38-year-old woman, and I finally met the man I think may very well be the one! However, him being the one means I have to be the one as well, and here lies the problem! I am freaking out! What if I think he is the one, but he is just having fun and doesn”t really love me?
“Head Over Heels in Hanover
Dear Head Over Heels in Hanover,
The key is not to freak out! The freak-out alone is enough to drive away any well-intentioned person who is potentially “the one.”
Dating is like a dance; the whole point is to have fun. If you keep asking your dance partner tedious questions such as…Do you think you are going to want to stop soon? Are you tired? Do your feet hurt? Are you too hot? Are you having fun? Are you sure you don”t want to dance with another woman?…you can be sure he will go find someone more fun with whom to dance.
Have a good time, listen to the music, bounce around, and don”t think. It does not matter if you break a heel, fall over, get dropped, or both boobs pop out of your dress; those things happen to any fun-loving dancer. If you have fun, he will have fun. Most men will not dance with a woman unless they actually want to, and when they want to stop they do. If he is dancing stop nagging, over-analyzing, and worrying; just keep dancing!