April 02, 2010

Lindsay Lohan is taking public embarrassment to absurdly new heights. At a party celebrating young Hollywood, she was lambasted  by Perez Hilton, but barely seemed coherent enough to realize the insult. She then got into a Twitter spat with her father, saying “€œhe verbally/literally HURT my mother, brothers, sister”€ (but later deleted the post) and stumbled out of a club and fell to the ground”€”her second spill in as many weeks. Some are wondering how far this downward spiral will go. At least LiLo was able to pay $23,000 in back rent”€”but now she’s rumored  to be broke and unable to score any film roles because her late-night antics and all-around crazyface make her uninsurable on set. Please, please someone start writing Mean Girls 2, for Lindsay’s sake.

But not all former teen stars have to crash and burn. Somewhere in between starring in The Piano and True Blood, Anna Paquin realized she was bisexual, and her statement in a new video for gay rights this week drew so much notice the campaign site crashed. Between her admission and Ricky Martin declaring he was gay earlier this week (10 years after he first shook his bon-bon) it’s been a very public week for coming out.

Someone is definitely making her way around the block: Jennifer Lopez is being scooped up by Def Jam records, despite her last two singles tanking on the charts. That New Year’s Eve catsuit must have sealed the deal. Another Jennifer also got a new gig”€”Idol alum Jennifer Hudson is the new spokesperson for Weight Watchers after the program helped her “€œconquer the world”€ by dropping her post-pregnancy weight. Let’s hope she fares better than Kirstie Alley.

Despite reports that Charlie Sheen wants to quit his incredibly lucrative job on Two And a Half Men, a source says the troubled actor is using this as a scare tactic to bargain for more cash than the $800,000 he already gets per episode. Did they teach Wheeling & Dealing 101 in prehab? And Jesse “€œWill Never Fix Cars in This Town Again”€ James may want to hang out in Arizona at his sex addiction rehab a little big longer amid reports that in the past he got one of his (seven!) mistresses pregnant. A source said the unnamed woman didn”€™t go through with the pregnancy, so no long-lost stepchildren for Sandy will be turning up. Sandra Bullock, whose first appearance in public merely driving her car caused chaos amongst paparazzi hungry for a depressed photo of the star, won”€™t be welcoming her husband home with open arms. She is reportedly talking to her lawyer in between very nasty phone fights with her soon-to-be ex. 

Also embroiled in a profanity-ridden verbal brawl is the Vanilla Gorilla’s oh-so-memorable first mistress Michelle “€œBombshell”€ McGee. Silver-tongued Chelsea Handler ripped into the tattooed woman, who first suggested the comic “€œuse some of that Botox from your forehead and put it in your flabby underarm skin.”€ Handler told Larry King the “€œdumb b****”€ should “€œshut her face,”€ among other niceties. She also “€called for”€ cranky reality TV star-turned-reality TV dancer Kate Gosselin’s 15 minutes of fame to expire soon. Also feuding”€”Robin Williams and an entire continent. After he “€told David Letterman”€ “€œAustralians are basically English rednecks,”€ the prime minister told the hirsute comedian to “€œspend a bit of time in Alabama before he frames comments about anyone being particularly redneck.”€ Williams”€™ response: “€œPlease let me come back to Australia without a cavity search.”€ Gladly.

And even across the pond you can”€™t escape gossipmongers. A former French justice minister took pissing off her boss to new heights by reportedly starting ugly (and false) rumors that French President Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni were cheating on each other. Sacrebleu!


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