May 02, 2021
The Week’s Most Waxing, Taxing, and Vaxxing Headlines
AND THE OSCAR GOES TO…RACISM!
The Academy Awards don’t exactly have the best record when it comes to racial groveling; every virtue-signaling stunt seems to backfire. At the 1988 Oscars, the Academy made a huge deal about how Eddie Murphy was going to announce the winner for Best Picture. Unfortunately, once Murphy was up on stage, he decided to harangue the Academy about its “racism,” becoming so distracted by his tangent, he forgot to read the final nominee, forcing the people he’d just insulted to shout from their seats about the oversight.
It was a funny moment…just not in the way Murphy intended. Indeed, he joked that his behavior might one day cost him an Oscar of his own. And in fact, almost twenty years later, Murphy was so certain he was going to win Best Supporting Actor for Dreamgirls that he stormed out of the auditorium after he lost to Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine.
Once again, the black man playin’ second fiddle to the Jew.
In 2017, host Jimmy Kimmel thought it would be charming to bring a tour bus of random Hollywood Boulevard strangers into the theater during the live taping. What an impish prank! Until it turned out that one of the tourists, a black gentleman who was feted by the assembled A-listers, was a three-strikes career criminal who only a few days earlier had been released from a 25-to-life stretch for (among other things) grand theft and attempted rape.
What were the odds? (Not that bad, actually.)
And who can forget the absolute catastrophe that occurred later in that same show, when the Academy’s greatest shot at racial redemption was bollixed beyond repair. Moonlight, a film about black (check!) Hispanic (check!) immigrant (check!) gay lovers (check check!), won Best Picture, but desiccated dementia mummies Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway read the wrong winner. Moonlight had earned very little at the box office, almost certainly due to its tagline “Blacks, Drugs & Anal Sex: See It or You’re Hitler,” so the producers had been counting on that win to keep their molasses-paced X-rated Afterschool Special from slipping into obscurity. Instead all they got was Bonnie and Clyde in Soul Plane II: Mass Casualty Event.
This year, the Academy just knew it had the racial stunt to end all racial stunts. Black Panther star Chadwick Boseman, who tragically passed away last year from colon cancer, was up for Best Actor for his final performance in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom. His victory was a lock, a sure thing. This was going to be the BLM Oscars; no whites allowed (to win, or speak, or vote for anyone their own color). There was no way Boseman could lose; this would be blackface Heath Ledger, Peter Finch def jam, the greatest posthumous win in Oscar history.
So certain were the Academy Einsteins that Boseman would win, they broke with a 73-year tradition and decided to close the show with Best Actor instead of Best Picture. Because what a climax it would be! Boseman would win, his grieving family would accept the award, tears of joy would flow, and the heavens themselves would open as Black Jesus smiled down upon the assembly and said, “Wakanda forever!”
Finally, blacks would find the self-esteem and pride they hadn’t vicariously absorbed from a black president, a black vice-president, black governors and mayors, black Supreme Court justices, black sports millionaires, black Miss Americas, a black wealthiest woman in the U.S., and the many previous black Oscar winners.
No, it would be the Chadwick Boseman win that would at long last heal the community.
Except, it wasn’t to be. Some crusty ol’ Hannibal Lecter-lookin’ mofo won instead. And since Anthony Hopkins was fast asleep in Wales at the time (he was almost certainly convinced Boseman was going to win, so why drag his 83-year-old butt out of bed at 4 a.m. for a Zoom call to the States on a TV show no one was watching?), there was nobody to give an acceptance speech.
As a result, the show literally ended on: “And the Oscar goes to…Anthony Hopkins. He ain’t here. G’night, suckas.”
“This was supposed to be Chadwick Boseman’s night,” griped Brian Truitt the next morning in USA Today, adding that the loss “stings so much.”
Hopefully it never gets out that as Anthony Hopkins was sleeping the night away in Wales as this atrocity occurred, his head was resting comfortably on a My Pillow.
THE BOT FARMERS
Kamala Harris’ rise to prominence has without question been inspiring. This amazing woman has taken her family tree from the slave farm to the bot farm; a true American success story.
Harris’ great-great-great-grandfather, Jamaican Hamilton Brown, was such a master-slaver, he literally founded a town of slaves. Dude owned 121 himself, but like Jay Leno and cars, he couldn’t help but buy new ones whenever he came across them. “I just can’t control myself,” he told the Jamaican daily Irie Mon Gazette in 1826. “I see a slave, I just want to take him home and make him mine.”
Hamilton Brown was the crazy cat lady of slave owners.
Kamala Harris, of course, has devoted her life to rejecting the racist notion that black people should be kept in shackles in a sunny island paradise, because to her, dank prison cells are a much more humane destination. At least that was her belief back when she was a prosecutor and attorney general. And now, having adopted wokeism with the same ease with which she’s shed her sometimes-black sometimes-brown sometimes-yellow skin over the years as ambition and upward mobility demanded, she’s discovered the simple joy of exploiting an entirely new captive labor force: bots!
Yes, it turns out that the cackling Thalia mask lying in wait for President Biden to take a fatal fall from his Jazzy Power Chair has mastered the art of the 21st-century plantation. In a story so underreported Twitter didn’t even have to ban it, Matt Orfalea, writing for The Grayzone, uncovered the truth about Harris’ much-vaunted community of online supporters christened by a fawning press as the “KHive.”
According to Orfalea:
An April 8 LA Times profile of the “KHive” attempted to put a positive spin on Twitter’s nest of Vice President Kamala Harris super fans, omitting the group’s online abuses, offline harassment, and alarming origins. Describing the KHive as “the type of modern political army that politicians increasingly rely on for both support and defense…”
However, “it turns out that Harris’ ‘modern political army’ was manufactured with the aid of an army of fake Twitter accounts” from “a Democratic Party operative-controlled bot farm.”
Some of the fake Twitter accounts “used the profile photos of deceased women of color.”
Breonna Taylor…say her name! Also, use her likeness.
And here’s a surprise (to absolutely nobody): The No. 1 word used in the bot-tweets was “racist.” Just imagine, in the future, white Americans won’t need actual black folks to call them racist; robots will do the work themselves. It’s surprising that Jeff Bezos has not yet installed that function in Alexa.
“Alexa, play my 1970s easy-listening rock playlist.”
“Rock and roll was stolen from the black man by white supremacist racists and when a white devil listens to it it’s genocidal cultural appropriation. Your soul will rot in hell for your aggressions large and small against a noble race of kings and creators; you are a disgusting piece of KKK trash deserving of a prolonged and agonizing death…[pause]…Playing Seals and Crofts.”
Along with bots, the “KHive” leaders employ multiple sock-puppet accounts. As Orfalea points out, this is a clear violation of Twitter policy. “KHive uses the very same tactics that Twitter banned Q-Anon accounts for using.”
More than that, just two weeks ago Twitter used the “multiple fake accounts” claim to permanently ban James O’Keefe from the site, just as he debuted a new undercover exposé of CNN.
But Harris’ goons get to flaunt the rules daily.
Last week, a Rasmussen poll showed that half of American voters believe Kamala Harris is not qualified to be president. Odd that Americans would hold such a view about an empty-suit political chameleon with zero accomplishments beyond having breasts and skin.
Still, assuming that Harris will be the one running in 2024, that gives her three years to transform those millions of Twitter bots from fake tweeters to fake voters.
KLANNED IF YOU DO, KLANNED IF YOU DON’T
It’s the most feared conundrum of the professional anti-racist: What if the only way to stop one black genocide is to usher in another?
Woke activists in the U.S. are currently grappling with this exact dilemma.
Next week, the Biden administration is expected to enact a ban on menthol cigarettes, because menthols are genociding black Americans. An estimated 85% of black smokers use menthols, over three times the percentage of whites. Tobacco-related disease kills over 45,000 blacks a year, making it the No. 1 preventable cause of death for black Americans that doesn’t involve Gorilla Glue.
Black health advocates argue that menthols are more addictive and more toxic than regular smokes (don’t even get them started on Courvoisier). If blacks won’t stop lighting up the infernal cigs, the advocates reason, the FDA must ban them—something the administration can do without congressional approval.
An alternate proposal for dealing with the menthol problem was to stare black people in the face and tell them, “You don’t want to buy death sticks. You want to go home and rethink your life.” This approach, however, was rejected by the Congressional Black Caucus due to fears of what might happen to the black community’s reflexive and habitual support for Democrats if American blacks actually did go home and rethink their lives.
So, it seems to be a done deal. Menthol’s will be banned, and Three the Hard Way-style chemicide will be averted.
Wait…not so fast!
Black charlatans (correction: “community leaders”) like Al Sharpton are opposing the ban. After all, if you criminalize menthols, you’ll be giving the evil racist cops yet another reason to mass-murder blacks. These activists point to the case of Eric Garner in NYC, who was choke-holded to death for selling “loosies” (loose cigarettes) on the street. If menthols are banned for sale within the U.S., the anti-prohibitionists claim, a black market will spring up in the eponymous communities, which will inevitably lead to clashes between cops and POCs.
And to be fair, that ban on crack didn’t exactly eradicate its use in the black community. To paraphrase Emily Dickinson, “the swart wants what it wants.” Banning a longtime black leisure commodity will not make the cravings for it vanish.
Several ban proponents told The Washington Post that “the idea that a menthol ban would ‘criminalize’ use of menthol cigarettes or lead to confrontations with the police is a red herring. They note that a ban would apply to manufacturers, wholesalers and retailers, not to consumers. The FDA does not have a police force or take action against individual users.”
So on one hand, according to BLM, cops use any and all real or trumped-up reasons to hassle and murder blacks. But on the other hand, menthol criminalization would never, never be used to hassle or murder blacks because the FDA has no police force. So then who’ll go after the street-level “retailers”? Maybe…cops? The same cops who supposedly “use any and all real or trumped-up reasons to hassle and murder blacks.”
It’s a good thing Joe Biden isn’t alive to have to sort out a matter this confusing.
Meanwhile, as opioid deaths continue to skyrocket in the U.S., causing far more fatalities a year (primarily among whites) than tobacco-related deaths among blacks, Democrats in Congress do little to stem the flood of the drugs coming up from the southern border (that would be racist!) or attack the flood at its Chinese source (that would be ultra-mega-racist!).
On the bright side, because the upcoming menthol ban will likely lead to at least a few cop vs. black loosie vendor clashes, black activists can take heart in the knowledge that the ban may give them many new reasons to provoke riots that cause city blocks to burn, filling the air with carcinogens that will cancel out the health effects of the ban.
If blacks are gonna die from lung cancer, better they take entire neighborhoods with them.
INCIDENTS AND OCCIDENTS
Two ships passing in the night…one sinking, one finally regaining its buoyancy. As the West emerges from pandemic lockdowns (despite the desire of frauds like Fauci to keep small children “masked up” and oxygen-deprived until we’ve raised an entire generation of Corkys from Life Goes On), it’s interesting to examine which nations appear to be emerging stronger, and which ones seem to have taken insurmountable damage.
England, the great empire that sunset itself, seems to be exiting Covidville having rediscovered its manhood (or at least one of its two missing nads). A week ago, the Johnson government stood up to the United Nations when that “esteemed” body demanded that the U.K. admit that it’s an evil white-supremacist Nazi hellhole. Johnson told the U.N. “bollocks,” and that took guts (for a modern-day Englishman).
And now, Johnson is ending a controversial policy that forced police to record and report “hate incidents that are not crimes.” Under that controversial policy, any Britisher who uttered possibly or seemingly racially hateful words in a manner that did not cross the line into criminal activity nevertheless had to be reported and publicly exposed as a “racist.” As defined by the mandate, a “racist incident is any incident which is perceived to be racist by the victim or any other person.”
That’s exactly the kind of wide net Karl Wallenda really could’ve used. Basically, any Englishman could be reported to the police for anything a bystander overheard and perceived to be racist (to be fair, the policy did lead to a marked decrease in “two nogs and an Irishman are on a boat” jokes).
But now that policy has been officially revoked. As explained in The Sunday Times, “Government sources confirmed that the home secretary has told the College of Policing to drop guidance to forces that those accused of non-criminal incidents should have them recorded on police files.” The misconceived policy was “ruining lives” because “if someone is reported for committing a hate incident but an investigation finds that no criminal offence occurred, the report will nonetheless remain on their police record.”
A Whitehall source stated: “These so called non-crime hate incidents have a chilling effect on free speech and potentially stop people expressing views legally and legitimately. If people are found to have done nothing wrong the police shouldn’t punish them.”
Seems like a commonsense position. Which is why the U.S. is doing the exact opposite. The very week that the U.K. dropped its “incident reporting” policy, the U.S. adopted one, under the guise of fighting “anti-Asian racism.” The “COVID-19 Hate Crimes Act” mandates the “online reporting of hate crimes or incidents” via a “National Incident-Based Reporting System.”
Wanna tell that joke about the Chinaman who walks into the black guy’s bar? It might not be a crime (yet), but it will be an “incident,” and you will be reported.
Funny enough, the bill in its initial form was geared only toward the reporting of incidents of anti-Asian bias. But Senate Republicans fought back. Why just Asians? Why not expand the bill to mandate the reporting of all “bias motivated” incidents? That was the literal GOP response: “They want to quash free speech just to placate Asians? Hah, we’ll show ’em. We’ll force them to expand that list to quash free speech to placate all identity groups. That’ll teach ’em!”
And that right there is why it doesn’t matter when Republican politicos refuse to wear masks; these schmucks are already oxygen-deprived Corkys from Life Goes On. Additional lack of oxygen couldn’t possibly make them any dumber.
Only one GOP senator—Josh Hawley—opposed the “incident reporting” bill.
Democrats could not be reached for comment regarding the newly passed law, because they were too busy laughing hysterically, having once again maneuvered the opposition into the briar patch. But just to add icing to the victory cake, immediately after the Senate approved the bill, Democrats in New York dropped all charges against a black man accused of beating an elderly Asian woman half to death.
The black man had been “angry for several days” before the assault, so prosecutors decided to let it go. No hate crime there. Meanwhile, an APB went out for a white guy on the Upper West Side who was overheard telling the “Chinaman walks into a bar” joke.
Anyone with information on this hate criminal is urged to contact the FBI at once.
DON’T MISGENDER WITH TEXAS!
The trannies play, all night and day (clap clap clap clap)
Deep in the heart of Texas
You’re always near, a gender-queer (clap clap clap clap)
Deep in the heart of Texas
The Alamo, was woke you know (clap clap clap clap)
Deep in the heart of Texas
The defenders were, both him and her (clap clap clap clap)
Deep in the heart of Texas
Yee-haw! Texas lawmaker James Talarico (a Democrat, as if that needs to be said) made some rootin’-tootin’ waves last week when he announced during a Public Education Committee meeting that them varmints who think thar’s just two sexes are some low-down lyin’ sidewinders.
The committee was debating a bill that would bar Andre the Giant in a dress from competing in K–12 women’s scholastic sports. And Talarico, a former public school teacher (as if that needs to be said) declared during the meeting that there are not two sexes, but six!
“The bill seems to think there are two,” Talarico told the chamber. “The one thing I want us to all be aware of is that modern science obviously recognizes that there are many more than two biological sexes. In fact, there are six.”
To be fair to Talarico, it must be difficult for him to deal with the fact that he left teaching right before Covid hit, thus depriving him of a year’s paid vacation followed by a ruthless campaign to torture small children by forcing them to suffocate under masks in stifling cubicles.
It’s kinda like leaving a baseball team right before its championship season.
Talarico explained that whereas transphobic scientists of old held that sexual makeup was limited to XX chromosomes for females and XY for males, woke scientists have discovered that “there are also single X, XXY, XYY and XXXY.”
There’s also the XYZ chromosome, which creates exhibitionists who walk around parading their junk in public.
Rebutting Talarico at the hearing was Beth Stelzer, who had the temerity to act as though she understands what being a woman means just because she is one. Stelzer, president of Save Women’s Sports, testified that “there are in fact two sexes. They are dimorphic: XX, XY. The other ‘sexes’ mentioned are disorders of sexual development that are variants of XX or XY chromosomes. They are still disorders of male or female.”
Wot transphobia! Git a rope and string ’er up!
Except…it turns out that the Scientific American article that Talarico relied on for his info kinda says the same thing. While trying to remain woke enough to not get tarred and feathered, the article’s author, Nature magazine’s Claire Ainsworth, grudgingly admits that those tres equis mutants are indeed the result of “disorders of sex development (DSDs).”
Ainsworth describes a case study of one of these mutants: “Her body was built of cells from two individuals, probably from twin embryos that had merged in her own mother’s womb. One set of cells carried two X chromosomes, the complement that typically makes a person female; the other had an X and a Y.”
So no, that’s not “another sex.” It’s just some unfortunate baby run through a genetic Cuisinart.
It’s not hard to imagine Joseph Merrick becoming frustrated with Victorian gawkers. “No, I’m not a friggin’ elephant. They call me the Elephant Man because I have a disorder that gives me trunklike limbs and elephantine skin. That doesn’t make me an actual elephant, you morons. Will you stop trying to feed me peanuts?”
But science marches on, and today, when twin embryos merge to create a freakish manwomanthing, it’s not a disorder but an entirely new species. And, armed with the knowledge of that rare genetic deformity, leftist politicians can continue to push for policies that allow mentally ill dudes in lipstick to wipe the floor with actual women in sporting competitions.
Everything’s bigger in Texas! And, as James Talarico has demonstrated, that includes the pseudoscience.
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