September 19, 2021
The Week’s Most Scornful, Thornful, and Mournful Headlines
FAREWELL TO AN OLD CHUCK O’ COAL
Leave it to Norm Macdonald to unite even the most bitter ideological foes with his unexpected passing. But that’s how good Norm was. His death elicited tributes from left-wing names in entertainment, right-wing names in politics (including Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson), and everyone in between. Norm was a lesson in what happens when you just try to be funny, without pandering to a “side.” He was simply a comic, and the best of his generation.
There’s an old saying, “A comic says funny things; a comedian says things funny.” Norm was uniquely ambidextrous. He could tell a joke better than anyone, but he could also make a joke out of an anecdote that wouldn’t appear funny on paper; it was all in his delivery. He could tell a shopworn Catskills groaner and make it work for a modern audience; he could tell a dirty joke and make the bad language seem not gratuitous.
Perhaps most remarkable for a modern-day American comedian, he didn’t try to use his own personal suffering as a launchpad to move from comedy for the sake of it to comedy with social meaning. Now that the world knows he’d been privately battling cancer for almost a decade, it’s really quite stunning to realize that he never attempted one of those “me and my disease” one-man shows (in fact, even as he was secretly ill, he dismissed such exhibitions as “the height of narcissism”). Whatever private pain he was experiencing, his love of comedy as an art form was such that he never polluted the purity of his act with, to use one of his favorite terms, “mawkishness.”
He was cagey about his political leanings, but his willingness to associate with conservatives, and his complete lack of PC sensibilities when mocking state-approved “victim groups” or leftist icons like the Clintons, got him tagged as “conservative.” He likely laughed that off, because if he went after a person, a group, or any taboo topic, it was always for one reason and one reason alone: The joke was funny.
Norm experienced a cancellation attempt in 2018 when he dared to suggest that his friends Roseanne Barr and Louis C.K. had lost enough (their entire careers) due to their transgressions, and maybe it was time to stop piling on. Talk shows (his favorite playground) backed away from him for a spell (including giggling genital wart Jimmy Fallon, who hypocritically offered a tribute to Norm last week without mentioning his role in the attempted cancellation). But Norm was just too good to be canceled. Even his colleagues who were too cowardly to defend him didn’t want him to go away.
Comedian–turned–full-time angry leftist David Cross tweeted this upon learning of Norm’s passing:
When I was going through a tough time after I was publicly defined as a “racist p.o.s.” Norm Macdonald was literally the FIRST person to reach out and tell me that he knew that was ridiculous, that he knew I was a good person and that he had my back. RIP
This is the same David Cross who, following the November election, tweeted that he “wanted blood” and violent revenge against anyone who hadn’t supported Biden.
Cross learned nothing from Norm’s example, from his “let’s not attack each other, or cancel each other; let’s be friends and go tell jokes” attitude toward not just comedy, but life.
Hollywood didn’t deserve Norm Macdonald. But thank God he graced us with his presence anyway.
Sorry to be mawkish!
IT’S NOT MURDER IF YOU MEANT TO KILL HER
Should people of sanity and reason at some distant future date pen an exhaustive chronicle of the lunacy that was the early 21st century, there should be a chapter devoted to the case of Mohamed Noor.
2021 unreality: White cops are genociding blacks daily, while courts unfairly condemn black defendants to disproportionately long terms, and whites who are victimized get preferential treatment, as the flood of low-IQ immigrants enriches us all.
2021 reality: Mohamed Noor.
Noor is the Minneapolis cop who, in July 2017, straight-out murdered a 40-year-old white woman who’d called the police to report an assault occurring in the alley behind her house. Moor was born in Somalia; his full name is Mohamed Mohamed Noor, because Somalis lack the brain capacity to recall their baby’s given name before they decide on the middle one. As part of a Minneapolis drive to “diversify” its police department, Noor had been “fast-tracked” during training (essentially, his training came down to “This is the holdy part of the gun, and this is the hurty,” and “No, no, Mohamed, your baton does not go up there. That’s an improper use of a baton, Mohamed. Pull it out and wash it off”).
In 21 months on the force, he racked up three formal complaints from citizens for assault, incompetence, and forgetting that cow dung ain’t for eatin’.
Police psychiatrists and his own training officers had suggested that Noor was unfit for duty.
So it really wasn’t a surprise when, after responding to the 911 call from Justine Damond, Noor shot her in the abdomen because he mistook the blonde for da JoobaJooba demon.
For a brief moment, it looked like justice might be served. Noor was arrested, tried, and sentenced to 12½ years in prison.
Until last week, when the Minnesota Supreme Court overturned the conviction. The reasoning? Here’s where that “future generations really need to understand just how insane these days were” thing comes into play: He intended to kill the innocent woman he shot, therefore he should go free.
That’s not a joke.
The court ruled it was clear Noor was only targeting the woman he killed. “In sum, our precedent confirms that Noor is correct in arguing that a person does not commit depraved-mind murder when the person’s actions are directed at a particular victim,” according to the opinion by Chief Justice Lorie Gildea.
Noor will walk free by Thanksgiving. He’s promised his attorney that for all future murders, he’ll make certain the victim is someone he intended to kill.
So as blacks scream “no justice no peace,” as politicians and professors shout “white privilege,” and as Soros and his minions wail about the criminal justice system discriminating against blacks, Justine Damond’s murderer walks free because a court ruled that he intended to kill the innocent white woman so therefore it’s okay.
And the rest of us can only hope that one day these times will be seen for what they were.
GREAT BALLS OF HELLFIRE
Leftists love highlighting “freakshow” stories of “right-wingers” who condemn vaccines only to fall victim to Covid. The Washington Post started the week off with a bang, front-paging the tale of Denver “conservative radio host” Bob Enyart, a real fire-and-brimstone kinda guy who, back in the 1990s, mocked people who died of AIDS on his (by the Post’s own admission) “fringe” radio show.
Wow…a guy with a few thousand listeners ridiculed AIDS victims in 1991. If the Post is about anything, it’s relevance!
Though not exactly a household name, the Post was damned sure Enyart would become one in death. The self-proclaimed “right-wing religious fanatic” had railed against vaccines because the meds are apparently composed of aborted fetuses (Johnson & Johnson creates vaccines and baby products! There are no coincidences).
Sadly, after commanding his flock to avoid the abortovax, Enyart died of Covid last week at age 61, filled with viral load but not a single baby part.
Yet as leftists celebrated their “freak of the week” Covid story, someone they thought was one of theirs had a little surprise in store for them.
Trinidadian Nicki Minaj, who is apparently famous for something (possibly rapping, or giving the finger on social media), always seemed like a good little leftist, supporting “women’s rights” and “LGBTQEIEIO” causes. She was even a major donor to the bail fund that plucked rioters from jail during the George Floyd summer of fentanyl and put them back on the street to riot again.
But that was before the Covid vax blew up her cousin’s friend’s balls.
In a tweet last week that quickly went viral, Minaj stated:
My cousin in Trinidad won’t get the vaccine cuz his friend got it & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding. So just pray on it & make sure you’re comfortable with ur decision, not bullied
And indeed, all of America prayed for Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s balls. None more so than Tucker Carlson, who devoted two nights of coverage to Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s balls. And when Minaj retweeted one of the Carlson segments, she was attacked for supporting a “white supremacist,” so she fired back with a condemnation of leftists that was actually…perceptive.
I can’t speak to, agree with, even look at someone from a particular political party. Ppl aren’t human any more. If you’re black & a Democrat tells u to shove marbles up ur ass, you simply have to. If another party tells u to look out for that bus, stand there & get hit
No one can confirm whether Nicki’s cousin’s friend is actually hoppity-hopping around Trinidad Stan Marsh-style on his giant nads, but what needs no confirmation is that Nicki herself has a good-sized pair hanging.
This was exactly the kind of Covid “freak of the week” story the left didn’t need: a famous young woman of color coming out against vaccines and Democrats.
Perhaps next week the Post can scan the obits of Covid victims and find an old anonymous white man who once called Rock Hudson a homo in 1985.
HELPING TEENS UNFOLLOW LIFE
Twist ending: The hero turns out to be the killer.
Beady-eyed Blade Runner replicant Mark Zuckerberg has spent the past few years positioning himself as a veritable superhero. The Facebook CEO has spent hours waxing heroic about the importance of banning content, if such material poses even the smallest risk of causing harm.
Information about voter fraud or contested elections? It’s gotta go; such toxic posts might lead to another deadly (non-deadly) “insurrection.” Questioning tranny ideology? How dare you! Doing so might lead to trannies being murdered or committing suicide in despair. Discussions of race and crime? Such poisonous filth encourages “white supremacists” to commit modern-day (nonexistent) “lynchings.” “Holocaust denial”? Banned at once, lest American Nazis issue all Jews a one-way ticket to (invisible) death camps. And anything that questions current wisdom regarding Covid must go, even if it’s eventually proven correct, because only airtight control of information kills viruses.
On paper, Mark Zuckerberg is the greatest hero in human history. He’s saved the nation from civil war. He’s saved fruits (trannies) and strange fruits (blacks) from certain death. He’s prevented another Holocaust, and he’s literally saved millions worldwide by suppressing info about Covid.
Why, you could just hug Zuckerberg (if not for the fact that his synthetic skin is so cold to the touch).
Of course, all of Zuckerberg’s heroics exist in his mind and nowhere else. There’s not a single piece of evidence that any of Facebook’s speech-suppression policies have saved even one life.
On the other hand, according to Facebook’s own internal research, Zuckerberg’s policies have actually cost quite a few lives.
For the past three years, Facebook Inc. (which owns Instagram, its youth-targeted platform) has been conducting research into the negative effects of Instagram on teen girls (especially from bullying). And it turns out, Instagram is a major factor in teen suicides (mainly among girls). And Facebook Inc. knew this.
“Instagram is harmful for a sizable percentage of them, most notably teenage girls,” The Wall Street Journal noted last week. Internal documents “show that Facebook has made minimal efforts to address these issues and plays them down in public.”
Instead of using its all-powerful ban-hammer to come down on actual threats and harassment directed at teen girls—a use of content moderation that all decent people would likely agree is wholly legitimate—Facebook has allowed the dangerous content to stay, opting instead to show off for Democrats by banning political and medical content instead.
And it’s not just to impress Democrats. As the WSJ points out, “Expanding its base of young users is vital to the company’s more than $100 billion in annual revenue, and it doesn’t want to jeopardize their engagement with the platform” (in other words, the company doesn’t want the bullies to flee to TikTok).
So the hero bans content as long as it doesn’t threaten his bottom line. But content that drives kids to suicide? Too valuable!
We’ve caught the Murderer of Facebook Manor. And as Scooby Doo would say, “Ruh-roh, it was Ruckerberg the whole time!”
A WEE BIT O’ GENOCIDE WITH YOUR COW FARTS?
To close on another story involving speech suppression, Digital Media, arguably the last remaining stronghold of independent journalism in what used to be known as Hong Kong but today goes by the moniker China’s Bitch, was shuttered for good last week, a final victory for the CCP’s censors. This comes after the CCP imprisoned Digital Media’s founder, arrested the leadership of its top newspaper, and froze the paper’s bank accounts. “The move has shattered hope among press activists that a vibrant free press ecosystem will ever be able to exist in Hong Kong,” Axios ruefully declared.
But fear not! Cheri Oteri character template Nancy Pelosi is on the case! Speaking to reporters during a taxpayer-funded trip to the U.K. to pick up more chocolate ice cream for her industrial freezers, the ancient harridan reluctantly admitted that China’s become a tad “problematic”:
With their military aggression in the South China Sea, with their continuation of genocide with the Uyghurs in Xinjiang province, with their violation of the cultural, religious priority of Tibet, with their suppression of democracy in Hong Kong and other parts of China as well, they’re just getting worse in terms of suppression and freedom of speech.
But none of that matters, Pelosi concluded, because the U.S. and China “have to work together on climate. Climate is an overriding issue.”
What’s a little genocide in the name of battling climate change? It’s all so logical: According to climate alarmists, failure to curb emissions will lead to mass death. So if it takes mass death to prevent mass death, so be it.
Somebody’s been reading Watchmen.
If only Hitler had stressed to the world that his advocacy of vegetarianism could’ve reduced the climate-altering farting-cow population to such an extent, the world wouldn’t be in the fix it is now.
We could’ve avoided decades of hurricanes, tornadoes, and floods if only we’d been willing to overlook a little genocide.
But no, and now the entire earth is being gassed by Dach-cow and Moochenwald.