The Week’s Most Shameless, Aimless, and Blameless Headlines
JAMES WATSON: STILL GLOOMY ABOUT THE PROSPECT OF AFRICA
Nobel Prize-winning biologist James D. Watson helped decode the double-helix structure of DNA and was perhaps the world’s most respected scientist until he stated the plain statistical fact in 2007 that intelligence testing shows that blacks tend to score lower than whites:
[I am] inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa…all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours, whereas all the testing says, not really.
There was nothing untrue in what Watson said. It is a fact that all the testing says, “not really” regarding whether cognitive equality exists between blacks and whites. But we happen to live in an epoch where one can get into more trouble for telling the truth than for parroting a lie.
As a result of uttering an uncomfortable truth, the world’s most respected scientist experienced the secular version of defrocking. In 2014 he became the first Nobel Prize winner in history to sell their medal because his income stream had dried up to nada after committing the sin of speaking the truth about race and IQ.
Now there’s a new PBS documentary on Watson, and The New York Times is lamenting that all the shunning and finger-pointing in the world still hasn’t caused the 90-year-old scientist to buckle.
When asked in the documentary whether all the super-bummer hate vibes that have been flung his way since 2007 have forced him to accept the lie that everyone is equal, Watson remained firm:
Not at all. I would like for them to have changed, that there be new knowledge that says that your nurture is much more important than nature. But I haven’t seen any knowledge. And there’s a difference on the average between blacks and whites on I.Q. tests. I would say the difference is, it’s genetic….If the difference exists, we have to ask ourselves, how can we try and make it better?
When a 90-year-old shows more bravery than most modern 20-year-olds, we tend to be inherently gloomy about the future, but we’ll take whatever bravery we can get these days.
WOMEN’S MARCH CANCELED DUE TO UNBEARABLE WHITENESS
When will white people finally realize that they’re just too white to ever be all right?
Up in Humboldt County, CA—an area with clean air, tall trees, and mind-numbingly potent weed—local organizers have put the kibosh on a Women’s March scheduled for January 19 after determining that the potential marchers were just, like, ohmigod, wayyyyy too white.
The county’s chief problem—and it’s a huge one—is that 81% of its residents are white, which is like saying that 81% of its residents have cancer.
The march’s organizers stated on Facebook that having so many white marchers would basically be like a Klan rally:
Up to this point, the participants have been overwhelmingly white, lacking representation from several perspectives in our community. Instead of pushing forward with crucial voices absent, the organizing team will take time for more outreach.
If you’re a resident of Humboldt County, CA and are struggling with your overwhelming whiteness and are now saddened that you won’t be able to put on a pink pussy hat and march for women on January 19, we suggest you take your life’s savings and fly to Washington, DC on January 16-18 to treat yourself to the rarefied psychological self-flagellation to be had at a three-day seminar called “Healing From Internalized Whiteness.”
The “trainer” for this White Guilt Woodstock is a Korean woman named Sandra Kim, who says she invites white people “into racial justice work for their own healing and liberation”:
Privilege means that you don’t know what you don’t know….Just because you’re ready to do something about white supremacy doesn’t mean you even know what it actually is. Unfortunately this means most white people who are newly coming into racial justice work are still very unconscious of how unconscious they are about it…. What do I do with my fear that I’ll never get it right and that I’ll always just mess it up as a white person?… So whiteness is like the air that you breathe when you live in a polluted city — where you get taught that pollution has no negative impact. You don’t notice that it’s toxic or pervasive — even when it’s making you feel sick.
As we’ve said many, many times, there is definitely something wrong with white people these days, but it’s not what guilt-mongers such as Sandra Kim would have you believe—it’s that white people tolerate this nonsense for even a minute.
OCASIO-CORTEZ: TAX ’EM TIL THEY BLEED
Horse-toothed rich-kid champagne socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took roughly five minutes after being sworn into Congress before she encouraged everyone to start spitefully gnawing on the entrails of rich people. She has proposed a “Green New Deal” wherein the super-wealthy will be divested of 70% of their income for the crime of being successful. This deal is ostensibly designed to achieve some dimwitted intangible such as “climate justice” for poor people, who have been economically raped by wealthy predators who, um, try to give them cancer by puffing on cigars and blowing the smoke in their faces…or something. She likened her new deal to freeing African Americans from slavery and compared herself to Abraham Lincoln and FDR and she’s not a delusional dumbass with a messiah complex, but she will really make the world better instead of so suffocatingly tedious that you want to scream.
CATHOLIC DIOCESES START NAMING NAMES OF PEDO PRIESTS
Over the 16 years between the Boston pedophile-priest scandal and the Pennsylvania scandal of 2018, a mere 30 Catholic dioceses across the country released lists of priests that they felt had been credibly accused of sexual abuse.
But over the past four months, nearly 50 dioceses have released the names of over 1,000 priests suspected of sexual abuse. Another 55 dioceses have announced plans to release names. Combined, these 105 dioceses comprise more than half of all dioceses in the nation.
Time will tell whether this new move is too little, too late.
FOUL-MOUTHED MUSLIM BITCH SWORN INTO CONGRESS
As a barometer of how far gone things truly are, the most pressing political question of the day involves whether Donald Trump is merely a motherfucker or if he’s a lying motherfucker.
Rashida Tlaib is a newly sworn-in Michigan Congresswoman who is unashamed of believing in the dumb religion of Islam. She insisted on using a Koran belonging to Thomas Jefferson during her swearing-in ceremony. Regarding the president she is to serve under, she recently told a cheering crowd that “we’re gonna impeach the motherfucker.” Lesbian comedienne Wanda Sykes corrected Tlaib by clarifying that Trump is a “lying motherfucker.”
At press time, there is no evidence that Donald Trump ever had sex with his mother, but there is plenty of evidence that Democrats are mean-spirited little potty-mouthed totalitarians.
JEWISH COUPLE WAS PAID $50K TO MOVE TO ALABAMA AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT
The Washington Post recently published a heart-wrenching story about a Jewish couple who accepted $50,000 from a Jewish millionaire to move to small-town Alabama, only to complain about it.
Kenny and Lisa Priddle moved from New York to Dothan, AL after millionaire Larry Blumberg dangled $50,000 in front of them. Of the 11 families that Blumberg has paid to move to Dothan, seven have already left.
“It’s very hard to be a Jew here,” Lisa kvetches. And Kenny laments the time that a native Alabamian told him that he heard Jews make hamburgers with the blood of Christian babies.
Meanwhile, these persecuted Tribespeople keep hope alive by visiting a local church “to explain Hanukkah to a group of about a dozen adults with mild dementia.”
Can you remember the last time an Alabama cracker was paid $50,000 to move to New York City, only to bitch about how he doesn’t feel welcome there?
We can’t, either.