January 29, 2023
The Week’s Rootinist, Tootinist, and Shootinist Headlines
THE JOY GLOCK CLUB
Tiger mom? Meet Luger gramps. Old Asian men are so over the stereotype of the wise elderly Oriental. “Wax on/wax off” has become safety on/safety off, as America sees a gleatest genelation of Mister Miyagis embrace the dark side of the folce.
First there was 68-year-old Chinese immigrant David Chou, who shot up a church in Laguna Woods, California. He fired dozens of rounds, resulting in only a single fatality—proving that aim is the one standardized test where blacks and Asians score equally well.
What Chou began, a 72-year-old in Monterey Park, California, tried to finish. Yuu Can Tran might sound like an inspirational poster in a high school LGBT counselor’s office (“Huu can tran? Yuu can tran! Begin your transition today!”), but it’s actually the name of the shooter who murdered eleven people at a fancy ballroom dance on Lunar New Year’s Eve because he didn’t get an invitation.
Man, the Vietnamese version of Cinderella is a real downer.
And it turns out Asian mass shootings are like Chinese food; an hour later you want more. Damn near immediately after the Monterey Park shooting, Chunli Zhao, another Asian oldie (66) in California, shot up the mushroom farm where he worked, killing seven.
Magic mushrooms? More like tragic mushrooms.
In California, the movie trope of the kung fu student avenging the death of his elderly master has been turned on its head. The masters are sick of your crap, and they’re fighting back, shoot-can-do style.
As Mako went wacko throughout California, journalists were left scratching their misshapen heads. Aren’t mass shootings out of character for Asians?
Of course not. There’s the Virginia Tech shooter, there’s Gang Lu (arguably the first modern-era school shooter), and there’s Jiverly Wong, who murdered thirteen classmates at an adult education facility in 2009 because they wouldn’t stop affecting a Jimmie Walker voice and calling him “jiverly turkerly” (a court ruled the shooting justified because the impression was dated and the pun untenable).
CNN’s Kyung Lah, who never misses a chance to attack whites (including her own long-suffering husband, who from these photos appears to be pining for a fatal case of Covid, or bird flu, or any release from his agonizing existence), screech-tweeted “What the hell is going on” in response to the rapid succession of ching-chong-dienamen who’ve traded putting pee-pee in Cokes to putting bullets in blokes. Lah’s followers speculated about secret Moonie mind-control plots and conspiracies, because seeing Asians as inscrutable plotters is apparently no longer racist.
Yet by far the oddest reaction to the Oriental shooting splee came from Screen Rant’s Alisha Grauso. Arguably the angriest left-wing white woman on earth, this illiterate hipster (who wears a nose ring, dons large-rimmed glasses, and sticks her tongue out in Instagram pics to prove that she’s a rugged individualist) initially blamed the Monterey Park shooting on whites.
“Fuck white supremacy!” she tweeted (rugged individualists always take daring stands).
When informed by her followers that the shooter was Asian, Grauso replied, “Cool.”
Behold peak leftist race theory. If a “POC” is killed by a white, it’s an atrocity. But if a POC is killed by someone with similar DNA, it’s cool. Not “still a tragedy, but at least not a racist one,” but cool.
“A black child was shot yesterday.”
Grauso: “Fuck white supremacy!”
“The shooter was black.”
Grauso: “Right on! Rad!”
Word has it Grauso will be at the funeral of the shooting victims to tell the grieving families how totally neato the massacre was.
And one could hardly blame the families if an extra body is planted that day.
BLACKFACE IS BACKFACE
Al Jolson, meet Al Pine. A Swiss yodeler named Markus Nef decided to perform a song at a local carnival while dressed as an African savage, complete with “black-painted face, frizzy wig, drum and grass skirt.”
Apparently, Nef was trying to prove that the only thing more annoying than a black rapper is a black yodeler.
Naturally, because it’s Europe, Nef was recommended for prosecution by something called the Federal Commission for Racism (which sounds like a body promoting blackface, not opposing it).
Prosecuting speech? Have the Swiss no respect for freedom of expression? In the U.S. (cue patriotic music) Nef’s rights would’ve been fully protected! He’d have only been banned from social media, banned from banking, put on a blacklist by PayPal, Visa, and Mastercard, fired from his job, put on a no-fly list, and chased from his home by protesters. Unless his name was Jimmy Kimmel, in which case he’d host the Oscars and a post-event bash with Pierre Trudeau and Ralph Northam.
Fortunately for Nef, last week a court ruled that even though his yodelayhee-ho routine was in poor taste, the intent was not to “make racist or derogatory remarks about Africans.” So they let him go with a warning: No more impersonating blacks. Switzerland has a perfect record of zero homicides over cold fries, and they mean to keep it that way.
Meanwhile, in the States, Bachelor contestant Greer Blitzer is having her life destroyed because of a years-old social media post in which she defended a white high schooler who’d dressed as Tupac Shakur for Halloween. Blitzer never wore blackface herself; she just dared to suggest that the girl did so without racist intent.
Blitzer will now be banned from social media, banned from banking, put on a blacklist, etc., etc.
Isn’t it great to live in a nation where free speech matters?
End patriotic music.
STANDING UP TO THE LITTLE PEOPLE
There once was a man from Nantucket,
A wealthy Marxist muckety-mucket.
He said. “I love the poor,”
So they moved in next door,
And he angrily told them to suck it.
Nantucket—Joe Biden’s rest home away from rest home—is playground to some of the wealthiest leftist elites in the nation.
Who love the poor.
From a distance.
Nantuckers have sued to block a proposed “low income housing” project on the island that would create “affordable” houses and condos. And if you’re wondering about the scare quotes, it’s because those “hovels” will go for $261,000–$373,000.
Low income indeed. Somebody call the Joads!
Islanders claim that these homes will bring in the rabble. Which suggests that a lifetime on Nantucket warps one’s perception of “rabble buying power.”
Yet believe it or not, that wasn’t last week’s top “out-of-touch leftists” story. Paul Krugman, NY Times columnist, is often called an “economic forecaster.” Except his forecasts always call for Rain Man. Krugman is the kind of tard who not only falls for Indian “Microsoft security” scams, but brags about it online.
Last week Krugman tweeted that, contrary to what right-wingers tell you, inflation is down. Way down.
With one caveat (and this is a real quote): “excluding food energy shelter and used cars.”
Yes, as long as “food, energy, and shelter” aren’t a concern, the economy’s great! So why the long faces, poor people? Vuitton handbag prices have totally stabilized!
When Krugman was asked if any actual necessities have become more affordable, he replied, “Well, the placards I post around my house that remind me to breathe have really come down in price. Without those, Kamala and I would be dead.”
Republicans, is this really the swill to die on?
George Santos is so over-the-top crooked, even the Punjabis who routinely trick Paul Krugman are like, “Enough already.” He lied about where he went to high school. And college. He lied about being a sports all-star. He lied about working on Wall Street. He lied about working anywhere. He lied about founding an animal charity, when in fact he swindled a veteran out of money meant to pay for an operation for the vet’s service dog, and the animal died a painful death as a result.
He lied about being the Jewish grandson of Holocaust survivors. He lied about his mother dying on 9/11. He lied about losing friends in the Pulse nightclub shooting. He lied about starring on Hannah Montana. When it was revealed that he was a drag queen, he lied about that, too.
His campaign stole donors’ credit card info. He misled federal regulators regarding loans to his campaign fund, and now it seems he might’ve been a polygamist and fake-marriage green card swindler.
And he hasn’t even served a full month in Congress yet.
Does George Santos really have to sit on committees?
Rightist pundits have been contorting themselves with whataboutism to defend Santos. “Biden lies too!” Yes, Biden has told many, many lies…over the course of 52 years in public office. Not all at once in his first election before he was even seated. Because that’s how the system works. You get elected, you bring home pork to your state or district, you earn loyalty, and then you can get away with lies. That applies equally to Dems and GOPs.
Santos whataboutism is the GOP equivalent of an affirmative-actioned black dude saying, “Hey, dat white guy gets to make his own hours an’ I don’t,” and the boss says, “Yes, because Bill’s been with the company thirty years; he’s brought in revenue and greased palms. You just started work yesterday…and you’ve already been written up twice.”
Cawthorn, Santos…maybe the GOP would get a better crop of youngsters if they weren’t encouraged to act like DeMarquiss who thinks he deserves the slack of those who put in the time to earn it.
Stop doubling down on Santos. At least Cawthorn only rubbed his nuts on a single guy, not an entire party.
Daily updates with TM’s latest