May 06, 2013

Meg Lanker-Simons, who I”€™ll presume hyphenates her surname to prove she’s not beholden to the patriarchy, is a bespectacled female wildebeest who grazes the campus of the University of Wyoming, always on the lookout for sexual harassment but never quite able to find it.

On Thursday she will appear in court to face misdemeanor charges that she interfered with a police investigation by fabricating an online male identity who claimed he wanted to “€œhatefuck”€ her and thus transform her into a “€œgood Republican bitch.”€ After this initial”€”and, according to police, self-generated”€”post on April 24, Lanker-Simons responded by saying, “€œI”€™m left to wonder if there’s someone out there with a violent fantasy about me….”€

I”€™ll bet she wonders that a lot. Or maybe “€œhopes”€ is a more apt choice of words.

Simons, a blogger that received kudos from Think Progress and is also chums with terrorist bomber Bill Ayers, appeared to bask like a whale shark in the odd sort of attention that only modern-day victims, real or imagined, seem to enjoy. That is, until a warrant for her arrest was issued.

Rather than upbraiding her for wasting public resources and staining the school’s reputation, the University of Wyoming issued a statement that Meg’s arrest should not be remembered as an example of third-wave feminism gone psycho, but it should be honored in that it “€œsparked an important discussion”€ about how the school has “€œno tolerance for sexual violence,”€ even if, well, a mentally unbalanced woman is simply imagining it.

I”€™ve seen bumper stickers that say feminism is the radical idea that women are people. But in practice, it seems more like the pseudo-religious delusion that women are innocent.

Twisted misogynist that I am, I actually do see women as human and thus fully capable of malice and deceit in order to achieve their ends.

“€œI”€™ve seen bumper stickers that say feminism is the radical idea that women are people. But in practice, it seems more like the pseudo-religious delusion that women are innocent.”€

But don”€™t try telling a modern radical feminist that women sometimes lie, especially about the unpardonable sins of rape and sexual assault. She”€™ll call you a slut-shaming, patriarchy-supporting, dickless scumbag rape apologist who denies we live in a “€œrape culture”€ that constantly sends out loud messages that rape is cool and groovy and ginchy and happenin”€™. 

Feminist author Catharine MacKinnon and her wrinkly, desiccated vagina once wrote that “€œfeminism is built on believing women’s accounts of sexual use and abuse by men.”€

If so, feminism is built on a shaky house made of soft tampons.

Depending on whose stats you believe, false rape accusations comprise anywhere from 1% to 90% of all rape accusations.

It’s not as if women have ever been caught fabricating rape accusations as a form of revenge against their lovers. They”€™ve never concocted stories to get their ex-husbands nor their ex-boyfriends jailed. They”€™ve never cried rape to get rid of a current husband, either. It’s not as if adult women cheat on their partners and then try to cover it by crying rape. This never happens. Never. No, not even once. It’s not as if teenage girls do this, either. Mistresses never cry rape, either. It’s not as if a woman has ever lodged a false rape complaint merely because a man forgot her name after a one-night stand. And it’s certainly not as if false rape accusations motivated by a thirst for romantic vengeance have happened again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

Modern feminism also teaches that it is the supremely evil patriarchy whose hairy, talon-tipped hands have molded a society that makes women feel ashamed of their sexuality. Therefore, it is impossible that women sometimes genuinely feel ashamed for engaging in consensual sex and then deal with their guilt by falsely accusing men of raping them. It’s not as if they feel guilty for having consensual sex with strangers and then turn around to falsely accuse them of rape. It’s not as if they sometimes consent to sex with multiple partners simultaneously and then claim they were gang-raped. It’s not as if they feel guilty for one-night stands and subsequently cry rape, so get that thought out of your mind, no matter what you read in the papers.


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