THE LAST ALPHA MALE
A memoir by
TAKI
October 07, 2014
Gabrielle Union
Source: Shutterstock
Irving Kristol (sort of) said, “A conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged,” a quip which, besides not being as true as it should be, rather perversely makes me think of Clay Aiken.
After all, Aiken was robbed twice by black guys”although not in the Paula Deen sense, or else his celebrity status might be in real jeopardy.
Overlook the ill-advised latter-day plastic surgery. Set aside your bad feelings about gay dudes, especially ones with “partners” and adopted kids: that boy can sing. Clay Aiken should”ve won American Idol in 2003, but”under slightly suspicious circumstances“he lost to an African-American contestant whose subsequent career has been undistinguished.
Then Aiken lost Celebrity Apprentice to Arsenio Hall, even though he”d raised far more money for charity”which (until Donald Trump changed the rules during the last 10 seconds of the competition) was supposedly the sole criterion for victory.
Beaten by a black man again!
Another fellow might”ve emerged from these electronic muggings, noted Obama’s semi-simultaneous, affirmative action-assisted ascension to the Oval Office (twice), and thereupon reinvented himself as an otherwise unlikely poster boy for the dissident right.
Yeah, no. Being Southern and all, Clay Aiken remains a born-this-way Democrat. In a big way, too: he’s narrowly secured the party’s nomination to run for Congress in North Carolina this November.
We”ve already witnessed President Ronald Reagan and Congressman “That Guy From Love Boat“ and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (although I still have trouble typing that last one without giving a little start of disbelief). So the concept of “Congressman Clay Aiken” doesn”t stun me as deeply as it probably should.
However, I was taken aback when, being a candidate and all, Clay Aiken dared to express a breathtakingly candid and unpopular opinion on a pressing issue of the day.
“Anybody who takes inappropriate pictures of themselves deserves exactly what they get,” Aiken told the Washington Post last month. Of course, he was referring to impossible-to-avoid reports that Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, and other stars had been “hacked,” and digital nude photos they”d stashed in cloud storage had been leaked for all to see.
Within living memory, Aiken’s commonsensical remark would”ve been filed under “Dog Bites Man,” barely worth reporting, let alone commenting upon.
Alas, we now live in a “Man Bites Dog, Launches Highly Successful Dog Meat Restaurant Franchise” world.
Take a look. Compared to the scant media attention Aiken’s political platform has received, potential voters might be forgiven for assuming he’s running on a “keep your damn clothes on” platform.
I”m not slagging the media here, or even average citizens. Most of us”myself included”are more familiar with the contours of Kim Kardashian’s ass than we are with the terrain in Khartoum. In fact, I”m not entirely convinced that’s something we should be ashamed of.
The high-minded Mrs. Jellybys who claim to “care” about current affairs of a geopolitical rather than of a celebrity-sexual variety also tend to be the loudest, dumbest do-gooder scolds.
Fashionable “goodthink” forbids “blaming the victim,” even when the victim is to blame and isn”t really much of a victim. Lest you think such tsk-ing is restricted to reliably ridiculous sites like Jezebel and the Good Men Project, behold:
“Please Stop Saying “Celebs Shouldn”t Have Taken Nude Photos In The First Place,”” said Forbes (!) staff writer Kashmir Hill, who helpfully explains:
“The digital age has changed courtship in many ways, and this is one of them. Texting nude photos is increasingly part of the sexual repertoire; phones have become sex toys.”
Megan Gibson at TIME Magazine (!) agrees:
“Show me one person who can honestly say they”ve never taken or sent a suggestive photo, sext or email that they wouldn”t want splashed across the Internet for millions to see, and I”ll show you someone who doesn”t use or understand modern technology.”
Take that, rubes! Even a Conservative MP and “Minister for Civil Society“ is doing it. Sheesh, I”ll bet some of you old farts don”t even bleach your buttonholes.
