July 03, 2015

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Geraldo and Ann Coulter recently had a debate about immigration that was fun to watch, but Washington Heights came up as an example of “€œimmigrant vitality.”€ It was wedged in with a bunch of other predominantly Hispanic communities and it sounded good in an argument, but I live in New York and Washington Heights sucks. It is quite possibly the least vital place in America, crammed with unemployed men lining up to get their hair cut, again. Kids play in the street into the wee hours as their single parents watch movies projected onto the side of a building. It’s like a retirement community for twentysomethings and I wouldn”€™t fault them for it if it weren”€™t on my dime. It’s actually a great example of the reality disconnect we have in this country. In our minds, Washington Heights is a cute little Hispanic village where fathers bring home some bacalaítos for the family after a hard day’s work. In reality, Dad’s long gone and his son will “€œeat your food”€ (cut your face) for disrespecting DDP (Dominicans Don”€™t Play). It’s like the FDNY. We like the idea of men fighting fires and we hold a candle for 9/11, but there aren”€™t any fires in New York anymore. The ideal of the firefighter is bankrupting us.

This is what we do in America today, and Charles Murray predicted it in his book Coming Apart. Politics has become a sport that we watch on TV instead of playing outdoors. Hypotheticals take precedence over hate facts. The net result is a mythical fairyland that bears very little resemblance to the America we all see when we walk out our front doors. I”€™m not talking about anecdotal evidence. I”€™m talking about reality. 

The basic tenets of the liberal narrative include: Women are thriving in the workforce since being freed from the prison sentence that is the housewife’s life. Southerners are stupid, racist rednecks who are proud of slavery. Undocumented workers are hardworking people who love their families and are just coming here for a better life. Islam is a religion of peace; the extremists are only acting like that because we made them that way. Gender is a construct. Gays are madly in love and can”€™t wait to devote themselves to the bliss of matrimony. Blacks are struggling a little, yes, but that’s because “€œsystemic”€ racism is “€œalive and well“€ today and cops are out to get them. The only problem with America these days is white men.

“If you call bullshit on the basic tenets of the liberal narrative, you”€™re a bigot or a racist or a sexist. All right, fine. If using my eyeballs and ear holes is wrong, I don”€™t want to be right.”

It’s a weird narrative that seems to come more from bratty spitefulness than from any kind of rational long-term plan. I think all these ideas may have started in the right place, but after achieving their goal of true equality they just kept steamrolling over us into the sunset. If you call bullshit on them, you”€™re a bigot or a racist or a sexist. All right, fine. If using my eyeballs and ear holes is wrong, I don”€™t want to be right.

Some women thrive at work. I find they”€™d be much happier at home shaping lives. They sweat the small stuff better than men. However, when we book the conference room and it’s Linda’s turn to contribute an idea, the guys inevitably have to sympathy-nod and say, “€œYes, that could work”€ while pretending to write down her totally unfeasible idea. At home, the kids are with an immigrant nanny who doesn”€™t really get Western culture and has abandoned her own kids back in the Third World. Women say they”€™re empowered and wouldn”€™t want to have kids as they shovel so much affection on their dog, you worry they”€™re going to get married.

The South still has Southern belles and bucks tradition less than us Northerners. The media assume racism is included in these values but they”€™re wrong. Southerners are no more racist than the black people they”€™re accused of hating. They are the nicest people I”€™ve ever met and the only time I”€™ve seen one mad is when someone else crosses him. When your car breaks down in New York, you better have a charged phone because no strangers are going to help you out. In the South, having a broken-down car is like being in the Beatles. You”€™d need a riot hose to stave them off. They don”€™t want to keep the Confederate flag because they”€™re proud of slavery. They want to keep it because you said they can”€™t.

As they were taking down the flag in South Carolina, Macy’s and NBC “€œfired”€ Donald Trump for telling the truth about immigrants. We are taking the worst and the dimmest over the best and the brightest. Look at L.A.’s most wanted list. Can you find a white face? Our illegals are rapists and criminals who don”€™t know their kids. We hear about how much Mexicans love the family, but half their kids are out-of-wedlock. Even the legal immigrants we get are pretty crappy. I just had to sell my restaurant because we couldn”€™t afford all the fines. The health inspectors are all Senegalese for some reason and kept dinging us with penalties like $800 for dented cans (an old law from when cans were tin that makes absolutely no sense today). Another fine we”€™d get regularly is open garbage bags on the street, which happened after hours as old Chinese people would rifle through our garbage trying to get the same dented cans we were just fined for. No nation on earth is made up of the people who were first there, so it’s all right to recognize that immigration is a system and a system should be at least sort of linked to meritocracy.

Extremist Muslims pour into America while cringing with disgust at our culture. Their culture includes honor killings, throwing acid in your daughter’s face, molesting children, and tossing gays off of buildings. The only foreign policy gays, women, and children have is “€œPlease don”€™t hurt me.”€ Muslims aren”€™t beheading people as a result of workplace violence. They”€™re doing it because the Koran says, “€œSmite ye above their necks”€. Why are we pretending otherwise? Because of hate? It looks like hate-a-phobia is even more dangerous for gays than homophobia.


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