GAY, GAYER, AND GAYERER
NBA player Jason Collins, who averaged a puny 3.6 points per game throughout his career and less than a point per game last season, staved off his inevitable slide into abject obscurity by announcing that he’s gay. The Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, which by its very name would seem to exclude men, or at least men who have no problem with being men, came under fire for excluding the “transgendered,” leading to the predictable rainbow-colored fireworks about overcoming hatred and bigotry. Nothing was mentioned about overcoming hypersensitivity.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
California Democratic Congresswoman Barbara Lee, whose keen mind is able to make correlations that escape the rest of us, averred that global climate change could drive women into prostitution. Florida sheriff Ric Bradshaw urged citizens to snitch on neighbors “if the guy down the street says he hates the government,” while a Florida Senate budget chief assured everyone that it will “be done in a way that respects people’s privacy and autonomy.” According to a poll, 29% of Americans say they think an armed revolt against the government may soon be necessary.

UNFAIR AND IMBALANCED
The Koch Brothers, those supremely eeeeeeee-vil cartoon bogeymen for progressives who never bitch about the democratic system becoming “corrupted” when leftist billionaires shovel money into the media, are considering a purchase of the Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles City Coucilman Bill Rosendahl”€”a Democrat”€”warned it would be the “end of journalism” if such a purchase were to occur. At a Los Angeles Times awards ceremony, reportedly half of the paper’s staffers raised their hands when asked whether they’d quit if the Kochs were to buy the paper. No one raised their hands when asked whether they’d quit if “Democratic mayoral candidate Austin Beutner and…prominent Democratic donor Eli Broad” were to buy the paper, because it goes without saying that such a team would sponsor objective and unbiased journalism.

UNCLASSIFIABLY DEPRESSING
In this time of unbridled progress and forward thinking, suicides now outnumber auto fatalities in the USA. The rise in suicides was sharpest among the middle aged, with men outpacing women at a clip of more than three to one.

Image of suicide courtesy of Shutterstock