April 20, 2015
The Week’s Most Maddening, Saddening, and Fattening Headlines
THOSE DARNED GAYS AND THEIR DAMNED CAKES
In what is unquestionably the most urgent and compelling civil-rights issue in world history”namely, that tense and troublesome intersection where homosexual behavior and the ability to freely order cakes at bakeries collide”a stark and undeniable double standard has emerged that clearly favors cake-loving homos over Christians who may themselves enjoy an occasional slice of cake.
The double standard runs as follows: Christians aren”t allowed to refuse service to homos, while homos are as free as butterflies fluttering their little gay wings in the sky to refuse service to Christians.
Joshua Feuerstein, described as a “former pastor and a social media personality,” recently tried a little experiment with a Florida bakery called Cut the Cake. With a video camera rolling, he called the shop and spoke with its owner, Sharon Haller. The video clearly shows him requesting Haller to bake him a sheet cake with the message “We do not support gay marriage” written on it, although Haller later lied and embellished the story to claim that he”d requested a cake with the message “I hate gays.” Haller refused his request and hung up on him.
At that point in the video, Feuerstein turned to the camera and said:
I wanted to see if it was actually a double standard; if a gay-friendly bakery and one that advertised themselves as so on pro-LGBT wedding sites would actually bake a cake that went against their principles….Have we gotten to the point in America where the left is so “open minded” that they”re close minded to anybody that doesn”t agree with them, or is America big enough for different points of view?
After Feuerstein posted the video online, Haller claims she was subjected to threats and harassment. Feuerstein also claims to have been threatened and harassed. It’s quite likely that both parties are telling the truth in this regard, because as already stated, nothing on Earth is more politically important than those darned gays and their damned cakes. People get so emotionally whipped up over gays and cakes, they start threatening and harassing one another.
So will a court charge Haller with discrimination? Of course not, you silly gay wabbit. That’s not how it works these days. But Haller told a reporter that she will ask the FBI to pursue hate-crime charges against Feuerstein.
Claiming that the whole imbroglio left her flustered, scattered, and drained, Haller started an online fundraising campaign to help repair the alleged damage that Feuerstein’s simple phone call caused to her business. “Please help put a stop to people like Joshua Feuerstein,” she wrote on the fundraising page.
Note carefully that she did not say, “Please help put a stop to people who think like Joshua Feuerstein.” She’s urging that people like him stop existing. Such is the modern tolerance.
BRITISH LIBERAL DEMOCRAT CAMPAIGNER AGAINST “HATE SPEECH” SAYS “KILL ALL MEN”
Sarah Noble is a member of England’s Liberal Democratic Party. Until very recently she occupied seats on the national committees of LGBT Liberal Democrats and the Secular & Humanist Democrats. The former group allegedly has a “zero-tolerance policy towards hate speech.”
On her Twitter account, Noble describes herself as a “Feminist trans dyke” and a “Motherfucking princess.”
She’s also written all of the following comments on that account:
we need to remove men from society.
I keep putting men in the bin and they keep crawling out.
In the news this week: cis white men are awful, water is wet
Yes, die you fucking cis scum!” quacked Elsa devilfully like a filfthy harpy vulture carrion bird of Paracelsian madness.
Men are such entitled pigs, really. Brought up to objectify and abuse women and then complain when we bite back.
I can’t wait to murder people.
kill all men imho
eat shit, male
It is not permitted for men to dream.
Yes sir, yes sir, kill all men.
Oh dear, do we need to murder some more males?
eat shit and die, male
my critique starts with “die” and ends with “scum”. And has “cis” in the middle.
Chicks. Give “em an inch, and they”ll cut it off.
As a result of negative publicity revolving around her comments, Noble resigned “voluntarily” from the Secular and Humanist Liberal Democrats.