April 21, 2014
The Week’s Most Suspicious, Seditious, and Meretricious Headlines
NANCY PELOSI’s FOOT FETISH
Last week in San Francisco, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi got down on her knees”which, for all we know, may be cosmetically enhanced”to humbly wash the feet of a pair of immigrant children during a Catholic foot-washing ceremony. Judging from the photo, the children were either brown-skinned or had extremely dirty feet. Pelosi then humbly posted a photo of the act on Twitter:
Pelosi, whose net worth is estimated to be around $100 million, then humbly gave a speech about shoving some amnesty bill through Congress to aid the dozen million or so illegals who humbly exist in the shadows between those intolerant, xenophobic, wage-earning, everyday Americans and those humble American politicians who are worth $100 million.
Last Thursday at some lady-empowering event in Manhattan, Hillary Clinton bore witness to a 19-year-old girl who stood up in the crowd and, fighting back tears, explained how she is an “undocumented immigrant” and therefore faces an even more intimidating array of “glass ceilings” than do naturalized American females who carry around their state-issued dog tags and AKC papers. Like Nancy Pelosi, Clinton, who is worth $21.5 million“or over $100 million if you count her husband”showed a startling amount of empathy and compassion for this young girl’s impoverished struggle, calling her “incredibly brave.”
No, what would have been “incredibly brave” would be for an American citizen illegally living in Mexico to stand up and announce their undocumented status in public.
SINKING SHIPS AND AVALANCHES
If all the bodies are recovered, a ferry disaster off the South Korean coast may ultimately cost 300 lives. The ship’s captain and two other crew members”who escaped safely“have been arrested. A schoolteacher who helped arrange the fatal trip was discovered hanging from a tree as the result of an apparent suicide, leaving behind a note that read in part:
Please hold me responsible for all of this. I pushed for the school excursion. Cremate my body and spread my ashes over the ship sinking site. I may become a teacher again in the afterlife for the students whose bodies have yet to be found.
In Nepal, searchers have recovered a thirteenth body in Mount Everest’s worst-ever hiking disaster. A group of Sherpa guides were buried under a “wall of snow” Friday morning nearly 19,000 feet above sea level, shattering the previous record of eight hikers killed on Everest during a 1996 snowstorm. “Everest is an incredibly dangerous place,” said tour guide Adrian Ballinger, who has scaled the mountain’s summit a half-dozen times. “It’s a natural beast.”
Meanwhile, somewhere between Mt. Everest’s summit and the bottom of the ocean, things remain slightly less disastrous”for now, at least.
X-MEN DIRECTOR ACCUSED OF RAPING BOY
Bryan Singer, director of four X-Men films, stands accused in a lawsuit of forcibly sodomizing Michael Egan III, who was 15 in 1998 at the time of the alleged molestation.
The suit alleges that after plying the 15-year-old Egan with alcohol, Singer claimed that homosexuals control Hollywood before he physically subdued Egan during an orgy at a California mansion that, in the delicate wording of the New York Daily News, “was the site of regular drug-fueled underage sex attacks.” According to Egan’s suit:
Singer masturbated plaintiff and then performed oral sex upon him. Defendant Singer solicited plaintiff to perform oral sex upon him, which plaintiff resisted….Singer flagrantly disregarded plaintiff’s unwillingness to submit, and forced plaintiff’s head underwater to make plaintiff perform oral sex upon him….Defendant Singer then forced plaintiff to continue performing oral sex upon him outside of the pool, and subsequently forcibly sodomized plaintiff.
Singer and his lawyers deny the allegations.