January 19, 2015
THE FERGUSON “UPRISINGS”: BROUGHT TO YOU BY GEORGE SOROS?
Despite the fact that it’s the Koch Brothers who get most of the media heat for allegedly “corrupting democracy” via large political contributions, a recent article in the Washington Times suggests that George Soros may be funneling as much as ten times as much cash into political causes through his foundations than the Kochs are through theirs.
The Times also says that based on a review of recent tax filings, Soros donated an estimated $33 million to fund various allegedly “grassroots” organizations that loaded up buses across the country and sent them to raise hell in Ferguson, MO and points beyond. The article also claims that Soros funding can be traced to the propagation of such persistently annoying catchphrases as “Hands Up, Don”t Shoot!” and “Black Lives Matter.”
In the past, Soros has taken credit for helping to fund “spontaneous” movements of mass unrest that led to the Velvet, Rose, and Tulip Revolutions in Eastern Europe. He also expressed sympathy for, but denied financially endorsing, the Occupy Wall Street movement and the Arab Spring. All things considered, he is a jerk of the highest degree. It would not even be inappropriate to refer to him as a jerkasaurus.
THE OSCARS GO ALL-WHITE
The voices howled to high heaven last week that the Academy Awards are RACIST because all of the 20 major acting nominees this year are white. A certain Todd VanDerWerrf“oh, yes, he looks like a Todd”blames the fact that a piddling second-rate race-porn flick such as Selma was largely overlooked because “The Academy is really old, really white, and really male.” Is that so much worse than being really young, painfully white, obviously overweight, and not very male at all?
Furious”because he’s furious for a living”at the perceived snub, the Reverend Al Sharpton lamented that “The movie industry is like the Rocky Mountains”the higher you get, the whiter it gets.”
Thanks for the tip about the Rocky Mountains, Rev. We did not know that.
STUDY: RIDICULING FAT PEOPLE ONLY MAKES THEM EAT MORE
A recent study of 2,573 subjects by Slimming World”which, to be quite candid, doesn”t exactly sound like the most scientifically oriented think tank on the planet”suggests that one of the reasons that fat people stay fat is because thin people mock them for being fat.
The study found that 65% of subjects responded to anti-fat criticism by eating more, whereas a slim 2% said such criticism led to proactive healthy lifestyle changes. But in truth, do these stats indict the mockers more than they do the fat people? Tough call.
This is truly a revolutionary study that upends millions of years of common sense, which would dictate that mocking someone might inspire them to shed the condition for which they”re being mocked, making it impossible for them to be mocked about it ever, ever again.
NEW RESEARCH INDICATES THAT MEN AND WHITE PEOPLE ARE, LIKE, TOTALLY CLUELESS
Since, um, “scientific evidence,” like, proves that there is gender bias in science, technology, engineering and mathematics, any man who denies it is in denial of exactly how sexist he’s being in the face of all this obvious sexism.
And “White people are more racist than they realize,” but we all knew that, right? And they “don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.” And the simp who wrote these things did so based on the Harvard Implicit Association Test, which you can take here and which we”ve already demonstrated is remarkably inconsistent and should not be taken seriously at all.