June 19, 2016
The Week’s Most Terse, Adverse, and Perverse Headlines
HARLEM PASTOR BRINGS NEW MEANING TO THE TERM “FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL”
Pastor James David Manning of Harlem’s ATLAH World Missionary Church proudly carries on the tradition of hilariously unabashed clerical gay-bashing made famous by our dearly departed friend the Reverend Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church.
Manning calls himself the “Sodomite Slayer.” He claims that “Obama has released the homo demons on the black man” and once infamously alleged that Starbucks’ lattes are flavored with “the semen of sodomites.”
In a recent video, America’s Funniest Holy Man ominously warned that as punishment for rampant homosexuality, God would cause literal flames to shoot from the anuses of men who doth lust after other men:
If you are a sodomite, God’s going to have a flame coming out of your butthole! You ain”t seen nothing yet until you seen a flaming butthole….The next time you get poked in the butt, a flame, when that man pulls that penis out of you, a flame will shoot out of you….Tell these faggots, either they get outta town or flame and fire gonna come out of their butthole. And anybody that sympathizes with them, they gonna have a flame shooting out of their vagina.
Mr. Trump, please make this man your running mate.
GAY VIGIL “TOO WHITE” FOR BLACK LIVES MATTER
In response to the largest mass murder in American history at a gay club in Orlando, a group of mostly white progressives gathered at a vigil hosted by the University of Missouri, where a KKK hoax and a threatened hunger strike by the blubbery black son of a multimillionaire led to the college president’s resignation last fall.
Because Black Lives Matter has a tendency to make everything about being black no matter if it’s relevant or not, a bisexual mulatto woman took the stage during the vigil to berate the attendees for being white:
I was really nervous to get up here because there’s a lot of white people in the crowd [mild laughter]. That wasn”t a joke…I wish this many people came out to our racial demonstrations and our Black Lives Matter movements….I thought I”d take a moment to list out some facts that many of you probably don”t know because you”re white.
Some in the crowd gasped, others applauded, and it all rapidly devolved into an intersectional pissing contest over whether pro-gay white progressives were being racist against blacks for daring to mourn those slain in Orlando.
The contentious mulatto bisexual, one Tiffany Melecio, responded to accusations that she had “hijacked the vigil” by claiming that the entire event had traumatized her and left her “On the side of high way [sic] really fighting depression.” Ms. Melecio, if we were you, we’d be depressed, too.
ALLIGATOR KILLS WHITE CHILD; WHITE PRIVILEGE BLAMED
As if last week wasn’t already tragic enough for Orlando, on Tuesday an alligator at Walt Disney World dragged a white toddler to his death. In response, a “prominent feminist” who calls herself “Brienne of Snarth” went on Twitter to boldly claim that the death had left her emotionally unaffected:
I’m so finished with white men’s entitlement lately that I’m really not sad about a 2yo eaten by a gator bc his daddy ignored signs.
Some might suggest that the only rational response would be to revoke her entitlement to every last thing that white men ever invented, whereby she’d revert to a prehistoric existence in which an alligator would inevitably drag this prominent feminist to her death.
LONDON’S NEW MUSLIM MAYOR BANS IMAGES OF SEXY WOMEN FROM BUS AND TRAIN ADS
Sadiq Khan, London’s spanking-new brown Muslim mayor, has formally banned advertising on the city’s public transportation that depicts beautiful women who aren’t huge sobbing blubbery pigs. The ban is ostensibly designed to forbid any imagery that would lead unfit women to be “ashamed of their bodies,” since we all know it’s emotionally unhealthy to encourage women to be physically healthy and sexually attractive to men. Critics suggest that the anti-fat-shaming angle is merely a ruse for the eventual implementation of sharia law, which aggressively forces women to be ashamed of their bodies.
ROLLING STONE: REPEAL THE 2ND AMENDMENT
Rolling Stone magazine has been publishing for so long that it once represented the counterculture and now is a shameless apologist for the globalist establishment. In the wake of the Orlando massacre, constitutional law professor David [cough] Cohen recently pecked out a screed titled “Why It’s Time to Repeal the Second Amendment”:
I teach the Constitution for a living. I revere the document when it is used to further social justice and make our country a more inclusive one….But sometimes we just have to acknowledge that the Founders and the Constitution are wrong. This is one of those times. We need to say loud and clear: The Second Amendment must be repealed….In the face of yet another mass shooting, now is the time to acknowledge a profound but obvious truth “ the Second Amendment is wrong for this country and needs to be jettisoned.
Cohen misses a huge point”if the imaginary gang-rape victim in Rolling Stone‘s infamously fraudulent feature article “A Rape on Campus” had been armed with a gun, she could have easily fended off her nonexistent attackers. Here’s hoping that the University of Virginia frat house that’s suing the magazine for $25 million is able to Gawker these journalistically negligent globalist tools out of existence.
HALF-HOUR CLIP FINALLY EMERGES OF JERRY LEWIS’S LONG-BURIED HOLOCAUST MOVIE
The Day the Clown Cried is the “lost Jerry Lewis Holocaust film” that refuses to die. According to a synopsis:
The 1972 “The Day the Clown Cried” movie was about a non-Jewish German circus clown, played by Lewis, who is imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp for mocking Adolf Hitler in a bar. In the camp, he insists on performing for Jewish children, who become his biggest fans. The SS guards use the clown to help load the children onto a train to Auschwitz, but he accidentally ends up on the train. He is assigned to lead the children to the Auschwitz gas chambers, and eventually insists on joining them in the chamber to entertain them as they are killed.
Despite how wonderful that sounds, the film’s production was infamously troubled. It went through several directors until Lewis abandoned its release, referring to it as “bad, bad, bad.” But now a half-hour clip containing footage from The Day the Clown Cried dubbed in German has been uploaded to YouTube, and we encourage you to enjoy this rare cinematic experience in the comfort of your own home while surrounded by loved ones and friends.