October 11, 2015

Louis Farrakhan

The Week’s Most Timeless, Mindless, and Spineless Headlines

JUSTICE…OR ELSE WHAT?
The Honorable Righteous Bean-Pie-Slingin’ Minister Louis Farrakhan”€”who helms an organization that preaches white people were created by an evil scientist and will be annihilated by a giant flying saucer with an all-black crew“€”held a wistful, nostalgic, 20-year-anniversary commemoration of 1995’s “Million Man March” this past Saturday in Washington, DC before throngs of chanting, jubilant, fist-pumping Peeps of Color.

The new event was dubbed “Justice or Else,” which sounds a wee bit threatening, if we do say so ourselves. Farrakhan’s press release touting the event mentioned “rising levels of tyranny and oppression” that blacks are supposedly facing in America, although it failed to cite a single statistic that would support such an outrageous remark. “Death stalks the Black man, woman and child in America and few seem to care,” Farrakhan wrote, failing to mention that 93% of American black murder victims are killed by other blacks. He also wrote he planned to rally blacks to “force the government to give us what we deserve,” yet he failed to specify what they deserve or how they earned it.

Speaking this past July in Miami, the former singer of transphobic calypso music said:

If the federal government will not intercede in our affairs, then we must rise up and kill those who kill us, stalk them and let them feel the pain of death that we are feeling.

In Milwaukee a month later, he told a crowd:

White people deserve to die, and they know, so they think it’s us coming to do it.

And this past Saturday in DC, Farrakhan orated to the sprawling lawn full of angry blacks that “America is under divine judgment” and “the calamities are going to get stronger.”

“€œIt’s a cruel truth that America’s whitest cities are often the ones most inexplicably burdened with white guilt.

Despite all this, US Capitol Police Chief Kim Dine ‘’debunked” an internal newsletter that had circulated in his department alleging that Farrakhan’s past public statements have called for violence. He personally apologized to Farrakhan on Friday.

Pay close attention when anyone uses the word “debunked” these days, because it almost always refers to something that is indisputably true.

“€œMIGRANT CHIC”€ FASHION SHOOT IN HUNGARY
A Hungarian photographer named Norbert Baksa is facing heavy scorn for publishing a fashion photo shoot depicting female Middle Eastern “migrants” to Europe with their Islamic breasts half-exposed and posing provocatively while standing next to barbed wire and being attacked by police. Baksa claims his photo shoot was designed to “draw attention” to the migrant issue rather than to the fact that he’s an idiot.

SEATTLE YOGA CLASS: NO WHITES ALLOWED
It’s a cruel truth that America’s whitest cities are often the ones most inexplicably burdened with white guilt. Take Seattle, for example”€”please!

Now comes news that the Emerald City’s Rainier Beach Yoga studio is holding a class called “Yoga For People Of Color” that explicitly bans whites from attendance. An email the studio sent out to would-be Yogis of Color says that “€œwhite friends, allies and partners are respectfully asked not to attend.”€ Whites are being shoved aside to make room for the following oppressed groups:

lesbian, bisexual, gay, queer and trans-friendly/affirming…African American/black/of the African Diaspora, Asian, South Asian, West Asian/Arab/Middle Eastern, Pacific Islander, First Nations/Alaskan Native/Native American/Indigenous, Chican/Latin, or Multiracial/Mixed-Race.

You asked for diversity, Seattle, and you’re going to get it good and hard.

MAKING WHITENESS STRANGE
Not to be outdone in the self-flagellation department by their Pacific Northwestern rivals in Seattle, Portland’s countless ethnomasochistic Caucasoids can now sign up for a “White Privilege” course whose purpose is to “make whiteness strange.” Students will be required to read the half-assed gibberish of the unfairly lionized Ta-Nehisi Coates, who has no idea what “reparations” really means.

What’s truly strange here is that no one teaching the class, nor anyone taking it, has likely ever experienced “whiteness” as anything other than a strategy of apology and retreat.

PEEPING TOMS IN TRANSGENDER BATHROOMS
Because one of the most crucial social issues of our time is allowing sufferers of the mental illness known as gender dysphoria to pee and shit in public bathrooms designated for people who don’t suffer such delusions, the fatally sensitive administrators at the University of Toronto set up gender-neutral washrooms at the school, only to have it turn around and bite them in their sexually confused asses. As a result of two incidents of “voyeurism” reported on September 15 and 19″€”at least one of which involved male students “holding their cellphones over female students”€™ shower stalls and filming them as they showered””€”the university has temporarily suspended its over-tolerant policy toward the washroom in question.

Maybe they’re finally starting to realize that gender is not merely a “social construct” and that there are real biological differences between Peeping Toms and Peeping Tammys.

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