March 20, 2012

Tom Cruise in Magnolia

Tom Cruise in Magnolia

I spoke too soon when I reported back in January that women no longer have any problems.

The armchair Freedom Riders at the weirdly named Southern Poverty Law Center (or “€œ$PLC“€ as one of its dogged critics prefers) have been courageously, er, browsing the Internet and have uncovered a potentially devastating threat to not only America’s females, but its national security:

Dudes trading tips on getting laid.

Forget Arabs flying planes into buildings, you stupid cops and spies. The SPLC”€”whose dispatches are “€œsent to every law enforcement agency in the country“€”€”has named the real enemy: white men unzipping their flies.

Woodland white supremacists? Old and tired. New hotness? According to the SPLC’s most recent “€œIntelligence Report,”€ the latest “€œhate group”€ plaguing the United States is the online “€œpickup artist”€ “€œcommunity,”€ AKA the “€œmanosphere.”€

For those unfamiliar with the pickup artist (PUA) concept, think of Tom Cruise’s character Frank T. J. Mackey in the corrosively depressing indie hit Magnolia (1999). During “€œSeduce and Destroy”€ seminars in airport hotel conference rooms, the foul-mouthed Mackey coaches hapless beta males on how to score.

“€œI guess I”€™m too dumb to appreciate the brave, hard work the SPLC is doing on my behalf.”€

On a much lighter but still sexually explicit note, Adam Carolla skillfully sent up PUAs in 2009’s Still Waiting. Here Carolla’s Ken Halsband breaks down “€œtramp stamp”€ tattoo code for his geeky protégé:

One cross: loves the Bible. Four crosses: hates stepdaddy, loves cock.

“€œRoissy“€”€”he took his nom de poon from a character in the S&M classic The Story of O “€”is the Tolkien of pickup artist Middle Earth, having invented or refined the manosphere’s glossary: alpha male, game, wingman, the “€œanti-slut defense“€ (“€œI don”€™t usually do this sort of thing…”€), and negging (offering attractive women teasing insults instead of compliments: “€œYou have really big ears. Don”€™t worry, I think it’s cute, kind of like a bunny.”€).

Oddly, Roissy’s not on the SPLC’s roster of sinister “€œmisogynist”€ sites. But the SPLC is none too amused by a site called “€œBoycott American Women“€:

This site’s mission statement describes American women as “€œgenerally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting….”€

It reads like the minutes from the pitch meeting for Sex and the City.

Then there’s the False Rape Society, “€œan Internet news aggregator…that features stories about allegedly false rape accusations.”€ The SPLC brain trust doesn”€™t seem to realize these guys only have news to “€œaggregate”€ when mainstream papers run stories about false rape accusations. That’s what “€œaggregation”€ means.


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