Cultural Caviar

Bernie Sanders



The Week That Perished

Mar 17 2019

The Week’s Most Bathetic, Emetic, and Splenetic Headlines AS YOUNG AMERICANS EMBRACE SOCIALISM, BERNIE SANDERS WALKS INTO A GLASS SHOWER DOOR, REQUIRING STITCHES An exclusive

Cultural Caviar

Joe Biden

The Week That Perished

Mar 10 2019

The Week’s Most Divided, Misguided, and Lopsided Headlines BIDEN’S PAST BITES HIM IN THE ASS Joe Biden is an unnecessary politician from an unnecessary place

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Mar 03 2019

The Week’s Sleepiest, Weepiest, and Creepiest Headlines TAKE AMERICA’S HATS AGAIN In a national epidemic of “soft lynching” that seems designed to degrade and humiliate,

Cultural Caviar

Nick Sandmann

The Week That Perished

Feb 24 2019

The Week’s Most Surly, Squirrely, and Girly Headlines COVINGTON KID SUES WASHINGTON POST FOR $250 MILLION Until it was buried under the avalanche of publicity

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Feb 17 2019

The Week’s Toniest, Stoniest, and Phoniest Headlines TRUMP SIGNS IMMIGRATION BILL, THEN ROLLS IT UP AND STABS SUPPORTERS IN THE BACK WITH IT The main

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Liam Neeson

The Week That Perished

Feb 10 2019

The Week’s Most Autistic, Fascistic, and Onanistic Headlines LIAM NEESON’S RACIAL RAPE REVENGE FANTASY Irish-born actor Liam Neeson is famous for saving Jews in Schindler’s

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Ralph Northam

The Week That Perished

Feb 03 2019

The Week’s Most Unsuited, Disputed, and Polluted Headlines VIRGINIA GOVERNOR RALPH “COONMAN” NORTHAM REFUSES TO RESIGN Before launching a successful campaign for governor of Virginia

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Jan 27 2019

The Week’s Most Conceited, Defeated, and Maltreated Headlines CALIFORNIA AQUARIUM SHAMED FOR FAT-SHAMING AN OTTER If your personal struggle to achieve social justice doesn’t extend

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Sergei Polunin

The Week That Perished

Jan 20 2019

The Week’s Most Pensive, Offensive, and Hypertensive Headlines GAY MAFIA HOBBLES “BAD BOY OF BALLET” Ukrainian-born Sergei Polunin is considered one of the world’s finest

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The Week That Perished

Jan 13 2019

The Week’s Most Jarring, Marring, and Scarring Headlines SHOULD FAT-SHAMING BE A HATE CRIME? Throughout human history until perhaps the past five years, everyone thought

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James Watson

The Week That Perished

Jan 06 2019

The Week’s Most Shameless, Aimless, and Blameless Headlines JAMES WATSON: STILL GLOOMY ABOUT THE PROSPECT OF AFRICA Nobel Prize-winning biologist James D. Watson helped decode

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Dec 30 2018

The Week’s Stinkiest, Kinkiest, and Dinkiest Headlines LEBRON JAMES APOLOGIZES TO JEWS FOR FALSELY SUGGESTING THEY HAVE A LOT OF MONEY Superstar basketballer and Rhodes

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Martina Navratilova

The Week That Perished

Dec 23 2018

The Week’s Rudest, Crudest, and Shrewdest Headlines RUDOLPH THE RACIST, SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC REINDEER Yuletide is upon us, oh ye rosy-cheeked readers, and it wouldn’t be

Cultural Caviar

Bill Kristol

The Week That Perished

Dec 16 2018

The Week’s Most Profane, Insane, and Inhumane Headlines HURRAH! WEEKLY STANDARD SHUTS DOWN Ding-dong, the bloated neocon witch is dead! Bill Kristol, best known the

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Pope Francis

The Week That Perished

Dec 09 2018

The Week’s Most Demonic, Sardonic, and Chthonic Headlines POPE TO GAY PRIESTS: TAKE A HIKE In a new book based on an interview he gave

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The Week That Perished

Dec 02 2018

The Week’s Cruddiest, Muddiest, and Bloodiest Headlines TWITTER’S GRAND INCREDIBLE TRANS DELUSION If you’re worried about getting banned from Twitter, hard experience has shown us

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The Week That Perished

Nov 25 2018

The Week's Most Defective, Subjective, and Corrective Headlines DOG ACCUSED OF RACIST HATE CRIME Since “hate” is an entirely subjective term, it should never be

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Michelle Obama

The Week That Perished

Nov 18 2018

The Week’s Most Diverse, Averse, and Perverse Headlines MICHELLE OBAMA: PRETTY, YOU KNOW, LIKE, DUMB Michelle Obama is easily the most famous and beloved big-shouldered

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Dennis Hof

The Week That Perished

Nov 11 2018

The Week’s Most Pornographic, Typographic, and Demographic Headlines NEVADA VOTERS ELECT DEAD PIMP As the proprietor of Nevada’s Moonlite Bunnyranch and six other legal brothels,

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Sep 30 2018

COLLEGE PROGRAMS TEACH MEN TO BE LESS MANLY We live in a world where men, especially white men, feel as if they are entitled to

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Sep 09 2018

The Week’s Most Lyrical, Empirical, and Satirical Headlines SAUDIS BAN ONLINE SATIRE Saudi Arabia is a proud and noble kingdom known for throwing homosexuals from

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Prince Zeid bin Ra’ad Zeid al-Hussein

The Week That Perished

Sep 02 2018

The Week’s Most Psychotic, Despotic, and Quixotic Headlines U.N. URGES FACEBOOK TO FIGHT “HATE SPEECH” The United Nations was founded after a bad man with

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Aug 26 2018

The Week’s Most Informal, Abnormal, and Paranormal Headlines MIAMI HERALD ENDORSES CANDIDATE WHO SAYS SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY NORDIC SPACE ALIENS Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera is

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Aretha Franklin

The Week That Perished

Aug 19 2018

The Week’s Most Captivating, Titillating, and Nauseating Headlines ARGUMENT OVER “QUEEN OF SOUL” LEADS TO SHOOTING Aretha Franklin passed into the giant donut shop in

Cultural Caviar

The Week That Perished

Aug 12 2018

The Week’s Most Reptilian, Vaudevillian, and Crocodilian Headlines WEST HOLLYWOOD VOTES TO REMOVE TRUMP’S “WALK OF FAME” STAR The City of West Hollywood is a

Cultural Caviar

Letters

Aug 06 2018

The Magical World of African Journalism Last night I threw the Magic Mouse bones. The long leg bone landed on top of the short arm