The Week’s Most Parthenic, Sirenic, and Pyrogenic Headlines
WHILE MY JAMAR GENTLY WEEPS
Beverly Hills has become a kind of trophy to BLM thugs. Ever since the terrorist org began its national campaign of violence and intimidation, “activists” have repeatedly targeted the Westside city with acts of vandalism and harassment.
It’s kind of odd, as Beverly Hills cops haven’t been shooting black people…or any people, for that matter. Also, Beverly Hills isn’t nearly as white as the dimwits of BLM seem to believe (especially if you don’t count Persian Jews as white). And more to the point, Beverly Hills isn’t even in the top ten of wealthiest Southern California enclaves.
But blacks have a penchant for brand-name merchandise, and the Beverly Hills brand is as internationally recognizable as the Gucci, Tiffany’s, and Dolce & Gabbana stores that line Rodeo Drive. Unconcerned about facts and details, BLM sees Beverly Hills as the big kahuna of “white wealth.”
So, again and again, BLM takes a BM on BH. Or at least it tries to. The Beverly Hills PD has a zero-tolerance policy for terrorism…which you’d think shouldn’t stand out as unique in a civilized nation. But unlike so many other U.S. cities, Beverly Hills has no patience for criminals and radicals. When BLM and its “allies” block streets, they get arrested. When they invade residential neighborhoods, they get arrested. But again, that’s what all cops should be doing.
What makes the BHPD truly special is the creative way in which its officers troll the invading scumbags.
One could call Sennett Devermont an ass boil, but ass boils usually dissolve and go away over time. Devermont is old-school BLM; he’s been leading pickets since 2016. He usually targets BH, never for any particular reason beyond “cuz it’s there.” When Philando Castile was killed by a cop in Minnesota, Devermont picketed Beverly Hills. When Michael Brown was justifiably ventilated by a cop in Missouri, Devermont picketed Beverly Hills. And when Keith Lamont Scott was shot by a cop in North Carolina, Devermont picketed Beverly Hills.
Dude ain’t too bright; he seems unable to understand maps and geography.
Devermont has become enough of a nuisance for the officers of the BHPD to get creative in dealing with him. When the human tick engages in his favorite hobby of getting in officers’ faces with his phone while they’re on duty in order to post confrontational videos on social media, the annoyed but wonderfully inventive cops have started playing Beatles songs on their phones…a guaranteed way to get a video kicked off Instagram, because the site’s algorithms automatically catch and remove anything that contains the unauthorized use of copyrighted music (and Beatles songs are legendary when it comes to immediate removal due to unauthorized use).
The tactic’s been working like a charm!
BLM is furious at being outmaneuvered (to be fair, when your organization is about ultra-violence not ultra-smarts, being outmaneuvered shouldn’t come as a surprise). News organs like Vice and Yahoo have condemned the cops’ musical mischief.
Perhaps eventually the higher-ups at BH City Hall will demand that the police quit the trolling. But all good people can take comfort in the fact that an ass boil was lanced and ridiculed by his betters, and in today’s world, small victories like that aren’t really so small.
Rabbi Barry Silver might be the most batshit-insane Jew in the world. Or he might be the world’s greatest performance artist. Rabbi Silver is either the highest of art or the lowest of IQ.
It’s hard to tell, because it’s hard to imagine that a person like this can exist as anything but farce.
Rabbi Silver is the founder of something he calls “Cosmic Judaism.” It’s basically Judaism that rejects the Almighty in favor of leftist politics and Bill Nye “science-as-faith” gobbledygook. In a way, most secular American Jews would likely be considered “Cosmic Jews.” They’re just never stupid enough to say so outright, especially with a self-applied label as idiotic as Silver’s.
The Boynton Beach-based Silver launched his new brand of Judaism last year. As explained in the Sun-Sentinel:
Silver said Cosmic Judaism began with his late father Samuel Silver, a Reform rabbi. “He believed in God, but not the God of the Bible, and preached and wrote in various books that he authored that every concept of Judaism, including God, should be rational and logical, and that God should be thought of as a hypothesis, not a fact,” he said. This new approach is intended to interpret religion through science and will be launched during the synagogue’s High Holiday services.
Thus, Cosmic Judaism replaces God with social justice activism and “leftist science” (“the earth is on fire and there are 563 genders”). In place of psalms and hymns, Silver subjects his congregants to his musical odes to AOC talking points, including this one—a “global warming” song set to “We Are the World”…more proof that this guy is either clinically insane or doing meta-comedy.
After all, nobody likes the original version of that ear-bleeder, let alone an “educational” remake.
Last week, for reasons only he could possibly comprehend, Silver penned an op-ed in the Sun-Sentinel titled “Many Self-Hating Jews Aid Anti-Semitic Conspiracies.” In it, he claims that Jews helped spur the Capitol riot, in a way that, again, makes you ask, “Can this guy possibly be for real?”
What’s surprising is that many right wing Jews have exchanged Jewish ideals for deals and have become strange bedfellows with those who took over the Capitol in the name of Jesus.
Huh? I thought it was in the name of Trump. Oh, wait—Silver accuses Trump of claiming to be Jesus. And for some reason “bad” Jews have aligned with this evil new messiah.
After blaming Jews for the evils in the world, Silver adds, “Thus, it should come as no surprise that today’s Christian Nationalist QAnon conspiracy theory blames the Jews for all the evils in the world.”
Wait, but didn’t he himself just blame…
He likens the Capitol rioters to 9/11’s Muslims, writing “Both groups espouse ‘Replacement Theology’ in which their imaginary father in the sky loves them best.” Wotta rabbi, mocking people’s “imaginary father in the sky.” That’s only slightly nuttier than claiming that 9/11 occurred because of Muslim “replacement theology.”
He wraps up by declaring that only “rational discourse and debate” can defeat extremists. A mere paragraph after denigrating the Christian and Muslim “imaginary father in the sky,” he invites members of other faiths to join him for “rational discourse.”
Silver is living proof that people on the left literally get to say anything in the media today. None of that “under a microscope” crap that rightists get from the few mainstream editors who’ll still publish them. But to give the rabid rebbe credit, at least he’s “entertaining insane” instead of “boring insane.”
I hope his cosmic congregants appreciate that, even as they have to endure his attempts at music that make a night with the Auschwitz orchestra seem like a better entertainment option in comparison.
In an unsurprising development, the young geniuses behind all that naughty talk about “cookie monsters” and “ovens” have once again gotten history wrong. It seems that the impish little satyrs on the groyper/alt-right end of the spectrum were obsessing too much about World War II and not enough about recent U.S. history…because heaven forbid those puckish pups focus on something relevant.
Anyone remember that whole “militia movement” craze from the ’90s, that nutty OKC bombing/Montana Freemen/Republic of Texas thing that seemed really popular for a while and then kinda vanished? Well, one reason it vanished was the use of informants and undercover operatives by federal law enforcement.
See, here’s a wee factoid that today’s young groyper kids have likely never learned from the memes that served as their formal political education: The worst thing that happened to the DOJ was the rise in Islamic terror. Filthy brown foreign-tongued Muslims proved a daunting challenge to law enforcement when it came to going undercover and cultivating informants. In 1995, the FBI had 10,000 agents who looked like Tim McVeigh. Sending guys undercover was a cinch. And “turning” militia members was even easier, because the cat and the mouse spoke the same language and shared cultural familiarities. But Muslims? Christ, that was a challenge. Most FBI undercover guys can’t pass for an Akbar, and can’t speak Akbarese. And the problem with recruiting actual Akbars to turn on their brothers is that every now and then they do a double-triple-switcheroo and blow up their handlers, because more than anything Akbars love a good kaboomie.
Kipling said it best:
The Stranger within my gates,
He may be evil or good,
But I cannot tell what powers control—
What reasons sway his mood;
Nor when the Gods of his far-off land
Shall repossess his blood.
The post-9/11 “war on terror” had the feds pining for the days of going after rednecks and mafiosi. You know, white guys whose minds and motivations were more easily known.
Well, thank heavens the far right decided to storm the Capitol! The DOJ couldn’t be happier. Being able to repurpose the war on terror as a war against whiteys has rekindled the FBI’s love of infiltrating and turning. And damned if it isn’t giving the groyper kids premature hair loss.
“FBI Informant Panic Is Ruining Friendships All Over the Far Right” read the headline of a Daily Beast special report last week. The piece paints a rather devastating portrait of a “movement”—the post-Capitol fringe right—whose members are gripped by fear and anxiety over who’s being squeezed by the feds, who’s going to turn, who’s already turned, and who’s an undercover agent. Proud Boys members, rocked by the revelation that one of their supposedly kick-assiest leaders, Enrique Tarrio, was a fed informant, are now fracturing into dozens of subgroups accusing other subgroups of being led by informants.
And groyper “leader” Patrick Casey has openly split with groper golden goy Nick Fuentes over concerns that Fuentes, an apparent target of the feds, is setting up other groypers with his end-of-February “America First” conference in Orlando, which Casey refers to as a “federal honeypot event.”
Casey claims that the FBI has frozen Fuentes’ bank accounts, suggesting that agents are using the money to “persuade” Fuentes to play ball. Those same concerns about feds ’n’ thumbscrews have been voiced regarding arrested groyper stormers “Baked Alaska” and Riley June Williams.
So now everyone on the far right is playing Tony Soprano wondering if the Big Pussies have turned.
It’s hard not to feel a little sympathy for these young patriots, who appear completely unprepared for this complete inevitability.
Don’t blame them; they were lied to by their teachers. The memes never told them it could turn out this way.
KUNTA KINTE…PLAIN OR WITH ALMONDS
12 Years a Slave? More like 3 Musketeers a Slave. Apparently, antislavery chocolate is a thing. And why not? In the U.S., slavery—which ended more than 155 years ago—has become for some odd reason the event that defines all current human endeavors.
Well, to be fair, the reason isn’t odd at all. The New York Times’ 1619 Project—the Manhattan Project of the nation’s black race hustlers and white/Jewish “allies”—has wormed its way into every facet of American life.
Slavery “made” this country (narrator: It didn’t), and all nonblack Americans owe the descendants of slaves and those who resemble the descendants of slaves a perpetual debt (narrator: They don’t).
In her barely readable magnum opus, the 1619 Project’s illiterate hunt-and-pecker Nikole Hannah “Bae” Jones made a big deal about how chocolate is racist. In the world of sweets, chocolate is the Grand Wizard of KKKandy. It’s not just that white people shouldn’t “do violence” to a darker food (i.e., bite a bar of chocolate); it’s that whites only know about chocolate because enslaved Africans had to work cocoa farms without a guaranteed minimum wage of $15 an hour and free unisex tampon distribution centers for men who menstruate.
Those ghastly cocoa-farm conditions persist in West Africa today, so whiteys should feel especially guilty about munching that Mars.
Fortunately, help has arrived! Tony’s Chocolonely is the world’s premier antislavery chocolate bar! A self-proclaimed social justice, pro-BLM chocolate company, Tony’s has pledged to become the first “100% slave-free” chocolate manufacturer. No slaves harvesting the cocoa beans, and “reparations” for the descendants of the slaves who harvested them back in the old days.
One key pillar of the Tony’s philosophy is that chocolate prices should be kept artificially high. The Tony’s website literally instructs retailers to inflate the price of the candy, because a 6.35-oz. chocolate bar that requires a down payment is the key to preventing slavery in cocoa-growing nations.
It’s also the key to pricing chocolate out of the reach of inner-city blacks. Which is certainly kind of ironic (social justice chocolate that excludes blacks).
So, how could a company with such a good and pure vision possibly fail?
What could ever go wrong with such a noble business plan?
Well, the world found the answer to those questions last week, when it was revealed that the Tony’s supply chain includes a company that uses African child slave labor to harvest its cocoa.
Be honest—were you expecting anything less?
Apparently, Tony’s was contracting with a slave-using cocoa manufacturer in order to keep its costs down and pocket more of the profits from those inflated prices.
As social justice orgs drop Tony’s from their list of approved merchants, let’s not be unmindful of the real victims here: the wealthy whites who will now have to find new sources of $40 chocolate bars that make them feel good about themselves, and Nikole Hannah “Bae” Jones, who will have to go back to filling that void in her hateful soul by Oprah-style binge-eating Milky Ways and Krackels.
THE NOOSE OF THE WORLD
Remember Bubba Wallace? He’s the black NASCAR driver who got scared silly by a string last year. After mistaking a garage-door pull rope for a “noose,” Wallace cried “hate crime” and the world listened…if by “the world” one means MSNBC and The New York Times. Everyone else just laughed.
Still, the FBI sent nearly two-dozen agents to put the screws to the string. Indeed, the transcript of the interrogation is intense:
FBI Agent: “Fess up: Are you a noose?”
FBI Agent: “Stop jerking us around. Are you a noose?”
String: “Knot! Knot! Knot!”
Sadly, due to post-traumatic stress from the encounter with the rope, the dope blew it last week at Daytona. Wallace came in 17th, prompting The Guardian to complain that racist NASCAR was “not redeemed” (apparently, Wallace is owed a win every time he drives).
However, the news was not all bad in the never-ending fight against things that are not nooses.
Rawiri Waititi is the newly elected coleader of New Zealand’s Maori Party. Last week, he clashed with his fellow parliamentarians over a longstanding rule that male members must wear ties while in the hallowed parliamentary chamber.
A tie? Around the neck? Wait…that must mean it’s a noose!
Actually, that’s not a joke. That’s Waititi’s actual belief, and he stated as much when he flaunted the rule and showed up for work bare-necked and wearing a traditional Maori pendant called a hei tiki, which bears a strong resemblance to fossilized frog road-kill and probably is.
Initially, Waititi was escorted out of the chamber for the dress-code violation, but then he gave a long, rambling warble about the white man’s racism and historical oppression and his ancestors being hanged and how the fearsome specter of nooses haunts his people still, and eventually the other members of Parliament were like, “Oh for fuck’s sake forget the tie if it’ll shut the stupid bastard up.”
In his victory speech, Waititi told the press, “Maori have had enough of being assimilated and forced to do and look like everyone else. We are not like everyone else. We are unique. Being Maori is like having superpowers.”
On the other hand, whites also appear to possess a unique superpower—the ability to tell the difference between a noose and something that is absolutely not a noose.
Should there ever be an all-out Justice League-style war between the two superhero factions, the safe bet will be the side whose members can look at a rope without shitting themselves. Indeed, a few Wonder Woman lassos and the war will be over fairly quickly.
String…the kryptonite of the nonwhite.