May 01, 2016

Donald Trump

Donald Trump

Source: Wikimedia Commons

The Week’s Grumpiest, Frumpiest, and Trumpiest Headlines

Mexico is such a wonderful country, its residents are constantly fleeing it for the United States. Although Mexicans invented virtually nothing and are cognitively disadvantaged compared to American gringos, they pour into the USA by the millions in order to wave Mexican flags and tell Americans how much they suck.

The vibrant and nearly bankrupt state of California hosts nearly 2.5 million illegal immigrants, many of whom are rapists and drug dealers even though some of them are barely five feet tall. A sizeable quotient of these tax-gobbling ingrates was apparently peeved at presidential contender Donald Jesus Trump’s shocking and problematic allegation that since it’s against the law to be an illegal alien, that law should be enforced.

Last Thursday night as Trump spoke to a massive crowd inside the Pacific Amphitheater in Orange County, hordes of angry, diminutive, brown-skinned, rock-throwing, window-smashing, traffic-impeding, car-flipping, Mexican-flag-waving, Trump-supporter-bloodying mestizos did their darndest to reinforce every possible negative stereotype about them. One protest sign allegedly read, MAKE AMERICA MEXICO AGAIN.

Despite all the violence and mayhem, the Los Angeles Times referred to the “demonstrators” as “a boisterous crowd” who were “forcefully declaring their opposition” to the presumptive Republican presidential nominee.

“€œMexico is such a wonderful country, its residents are constantly fleeing it for the United States.”€

Inside the venue, Trump”€”who earlier in the week had given the wormy Ted Cruz a high holy ass-whipping by sweeping five primaries in Northeastern states by huge margins”€”trotted out surviving family members of people killed by illegal aliens. Has this man no decency?

Maryland’s Salisbury State University apparently has such a problem with hate, it has hosted eight annual “Stop Hatin’” weeks in a row.

As the most recent Stop Hatin’ week drew to a close, students were shocked and outraged and horrified and flabbergasted and nonplussed and tormented at the news that someone had scribbled a drawing of a lynched stick figure alongside the word “Nigger!” and the hashtag “#WhitePower.”

Apparently someone didn’t get the memo to stop hatin’.

The “someone” in question turned out to be two black students who decided to keep hate alive if only because it seemed like the nostalgic thing to do.

Our wonderful and completely sane friends in the transgender community are making a full-court press to forever cement a reputation as the most humorlessly militant identity group in the whole leftist litter box.

At Loyola Marymount University”€”a reputedly Catholic institution”€”an office employee was recently suspended for committing the “hate crime” of stating she believed that only two genders exist”€”namely, male and female. The university’s Bias Incident Response Team is working in tandem with the LAPD to determine whether merely expressing this opinion constitutes a hate crime. The wackily named Cosette Carleo”€”one of a triumvirate of aggrieved transgenderrifics who felt so horrified by the very idea of the gender binary that they went screaming to officials”€”claims that the crime is “denying transgnderism.” Carleo claims he/she/it told the unnamed employee that “you can have your opinion” so long as it doesn’t “deny my existence.”

Husam El-Qoulaq”€”no, we don’t have any idea how to pronounce that, either”€”is a Palestinian student at Harvard Law School who during a public panel earlier this month asked former Israeli foreign minister Tzipi Livni:

How are you so smelly?…she’s very smelly, and I was just wondering.

The Jewish Law Students Association”€”apparently a touchy bunch”€”wrote the following of El-Qoulaq’s comment:

It is hate speech. It is offensive. It is wrong….A statement like this denigrates our school and our shared purpose, and we as a community cannot tolerate it.

But a small group of students, many of them Jewish, are defending El-Qoulaq by noting that Tzipi Livni played a “€œkey role in Operation Cast Lead, a 23-day military operation that was condemned by the U.N. and other credible organizations for the brutality it visited upon Palestinian civilians.”€ They also noted that El-Qoulaq had previously called a Palestinian speaker a “smelly liar,” so his problem may not be anti-Semitism so much as highly attuned olfactory glands. It is also worth mentioning that none of Livni’s supporters bothered to offer medical evidence that she is not, in fact, smelly.


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